Comedian/Future former comedian
Detroit
Joined January 2009
- Tweets12.3K
- Following930
- Followers1.3K
- Likes14K
Primary Care Doctor's Office Email: Time for a checkup! Call us to schedule an appointment to stay on top of your health!
Office On Phone: the next available appointment is in May
American Healthcare: goin' great!
Was thinking I haven't done enough standup lately and then saw a pro comic I respect post they were grateful they sold just enough t-shirts to pay their rent last month, guess who's gonna keep doing the day job and staying home y'all
New Twitter process:
1. log in once a week
2. go to "Following" tab
3. dig through ads for at least the first 10 posts
4. see one Tweet from somebody I actually follow
5. see a racial slur from a blue checkmark's Tweet that I don't follow
6. log off
7. see ya next week!
One fun part of having done comedy for a billion years is getting back in therapy and realizing how casually I think of suicide. My therapist asked how often I think about killing myself and apparently my response of “every time I have to wash dishes” is not the healthy answer
Our Alexas show news stories and it’s always been NPR or NBC and stuff like that, then recently they added Fox News stories so now we’re fully informed about how the Biden Crime Family is coming to steal our guns and ground beef while forcing us to be woke trans communists
Finally forced the update, wish the iPhone UI was an X just for synchronicity. And with this, so long to this app
Companies 2020: why aren't employees more loyal
Companies 2021: nobody wants to work
Companies 2023: as we focus on efficiency in a tightening economic situation we've made the unfortunate decision to lay off 50% of our staff
Companies 2026: why aren't employees more loyal
Made appointments for a general health checkup, dermatologist checkup to scope out some moles and check on hair loss treatments and have a new therapist lined up, gonna be one healthy-ass cancer-free well-adjusted sonofabitch with some good-ass hair, all you fools better look out
Anybody who doesn’t send me money is a snowflake wokester who hates America, c’mon gang before I get canceled fork over that cash, what are you liberals or something
Hello, I am a very successful hotel architect and I would say the secret to my success is making sure every bathroom includes a mirror where people can look in their own eyes while shitting – at Cleveland, OH
oh cool opening up Twitter on my Following tab and the first Tweets I see are a guy I don't follow praising himself for being banned from an airline for not wearing a mask, Marjorie Taylor Greene and a crypto scammer. Gosh wonder why Threads seems appealing
Sure it’s a shiny new social network but where are all the crypto scams, loser nerds defending billionaires, and profiles with name33938393939 and profile pics of dudes in trucks wearing sunglasses quoting Ben Shapiro HaHA Elon for another win dummies
Our forefathers were rich white guys who hated paying taxes, wanted more power and told poor people every problem was caused by a political scapegoat. Glad so much has
Changed! – at Farmington Hills, MI
San Francisco is like a reliable old pair of underwear…there’s probably more blood, cum, piss and shit on it than I should be okay with but I can’t let it go cuz it’s still too comfy – at San Francisco, CA