DrunkNewz

A white dude got booed by a bunch a black dudes? So what? Happens every time I sing for money at Church's chicken ow.ly/caW6l

I just found a Snickers bar underneath the porch. SCORE.

You know what's the worst thing about the news? EVERYTHING.

My neighbor said he'd call the cops if I keep yelling at the TV. HOW ELSE ARE THEY GOING T OHEAR ME YOU STUPID NEIGHBOR.

Female politicians are like 7/11. They never shut the fuck up.

People are talking REALLY fast on Fox news. Must be on coacaine.

I KNOW ITS A BONG. But all the cups are in the dishwasher.

I think Iran just invaded Chinese.

All the worlds are swirling around on Drudge Report; better be careful.

Where is my underwear? LOL. I wasn't wearing underwear for the last ten years.

Tosh had to apologize for a RAPE JOKE?! I could get angrier but it wasn't that funny of a rape joke. huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/1…

I was just reading CNN and I couldn't read it. Slow news day.

Are those trees or hippies? Either way, I need to pee.

I think the presidential candidate I'd most like to have a beer with is…both. If they're buying.

It's the hottest summer EVER. Time to pour a beer down my pants.

OH. You stop selling vodka at SEVEN? what's wrong with America people???

I support gay marriage because of all the hot lesbians getting married to the kegstands I'm doing at their weddings.

NEWSFLASH: I just puked up a whole donut. Retweet if I should eat it.

Obama is the black president, right?

Someone buried a cat alive? In concrete? I should break in to my ex-girlfriend's house and check in on my cat...