I can’t be the only one who likes the smell of dog treats

If you don’t wash your dick after taking a shit you’re a disgusting animal

A big sturdy turd just exited my anus and I moaned a little. Everyone in the office looked at me in disgust. Maybe I should’ve gone to the toilet first.

I barely understand half the lyrics of the songs that I listen to. Do native English speakers have that issue too?

Ignorance is bliss. So when my wife asked me if I rub the bar of soap directly on my ass cheeks, of course I said no.

“This house from the 70s has so much character!” Also the house:

I never fart around my wife because I think that’s disgusting. Loudly taking a shit when she’s in the room next to me is a different story. But farting in my pants next to her? No.

Hate having to pause a workout for an insidious bout of diarrhea.

Told my wife she should start doing planks so she'll finally appreciate how long one minute really is.

Eating a Dutch stroopwafel above the sink raises your testosterone by 400%

Eating olives above the sink boosts your testosterone by 300%

As a husband, when you accidentally do something your wife appreciates and she thinks you did it on purpose, just shut up and take the W.

I catcalled a woman but instead of getting offended or feeling harassed she looked at me and said “ew”

a 9-5 job is spiritual castration.

Dogs have a magical effect on immigrants. You can walk up to a group of them with your dog and it's like you've got a force field around you the way they instantly back off. Super scared of dogs for some reason.

Most people on the Autobahn just drive between 60 and 90 mph anyway because saving fuel and being comfortable beats getting there a little sooner.

Black guys never have to experience the pain of finding out their wives cheated on them after giving birth to a white baby because they're already long gone by the time the baby's born.

I wonder what my penis looks like without foreskin but ChatGPT refuses to help me with that

Women with big boobs have better opinions

Fell asleep on the toilet again and now my neck hurts