Jennifer Lawrence tells Alex Cooper the one thing nobody warned her about after childbirth
Alex Cooper: “How did you know you were ready? And did you feel ready?”
Jennifer Lawrence: “I wanted to be a mom for so long, and, you know, didn't find the right person, and then I found the right person.”
Alex Cooper: “What were you completely unprepared for?”
Jennifer Lawrence: “You know, your vagina will bounce back, your butthole won't.”
Alex Cooper: “I don't know if I needed to hear that before giving birth! I'm like, ‘wow, wow, Jen.’”
Jennifer Lawrence: “Everybody's like, ‘your instincts, your instincts!’ you have no idea what you're doing.”
Alex Cooper: “Jen, what's going to happen to my butthole?”
Jennifer Lawrence: “I'll tell you, i will tell you, when i can get into a heated place. I'll show you.”
Matthew Cole gets grilled by Jon Stewart over his Trump-Russia claims
Matthew Cole: “At the time they were terrified, as were most of NATO allies, that Trump was a Russian spy.”
Jon Stewart: “Why didn't they talk to the Biden administration in 2020?”
Matthew Cole: “Intelligence agencies spy on countries all the time. That's literally what they do.”
Jon Stewart: “This is a big MacGuffin, and you're asking us to go with you on a big MacGuffin.”
Matthew Cole: “Would you recommend it to others?”
Jon Stewart: “I don't think most people are readers.”
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Trevor Noah Exposes the One Secret Every U.S. President Shares
Trevor Noah: In the United States of America, if you want to win an election, all you need to have is a strange voice. Simple as that. You want to be president of the United States, get a strange voice, you're done.
“Yeah, forget policies, forget ideas, that's boring. You come out there, here are my boos: "Normal-sounding ass bitch." No, you come out there with a strange voice, the people love it.”
“You realize there's been no American president who has a normal speaking voice. None. Now, you can go back as far as you want. None of them spoke normal.”
“None. Go back like, who? Like, like JFK. JFK, he didn't speak normal. He had that thing like, "Ask not..." That's not normal. I don't care what anybody says, that's not normal.”
“You telling me that man was standing in a McDonald's ordering food with that voice? 'Cause they're like, "Could I please get a number one medium with fries? And I'll also have a McFlurry, please. What do you mean the ice cream machine is broken?" That's not normal.”
“No American president speaks normal. None. Bill Clinton, he didn't speak normal. He always did that thing where it sounded like he was trying to seduce the audience, you know? They're like, "I do not have sexual relations with that woman..." What are you doing?”
“No American president spoke normal. None. Barack Obama, he didn't speak normal. He always did that thing where it sounded like his voice was buffering: "Uh... as Americans, uh, we got to try to get a faster internet." That's not normal.”
Caleb Hammer loses it after a woman reveals how she got $500 from her sugar daddy while dating her boyfriend
Male Guest: “She went behind my back and had a sugar daddy.”
Caleb Hammer: “You say no, and then she goes out and gets some sugar?”
Male Guest: “Pretty much.”
Female Guest: “I went to his house once.”
Male Guest: “In the morning and at night.”
Female Guest: “He literally gave me $500 to take him breakfast.”
Caleb Hammer: “Does anyone in the world believe that for a single second?”
Female Guest: “A few shots will do a lot.”
Caleb Hammer: “What did you just marry?”
Female Guest: “He left me $800 that day. He said, ‘Keep the change.’”
Piers Morgan gets into a heated exchange with Jason Lee after he brings race into the Meghan Markle debate
Piers Morgan: “I have a very open mind about this. I'm not condemning Meghan Markle for it. I'm simply saying why is it that the British police and the Sussexes were given this unbelievably serious information in January 2019 and none of them appeared to have acted on it at all?”
Jason Lee: “Every time I come on this show and every time we talk about Meghan Markle, it's like anything anybody else does is what did she do? what did she not do? and it's like damn, the black woman doesn't ever get a break.”
Piers Morgan: “What does her skin color got to do with it?”
Jason Lee: “Color has to do with everything….every issue that your country has had with Meghan Markle in general is because she's a black woman
at the end of the day, she did what she was supposed to do as a daughter”
Piers Morgan: “I think the idea that any criticism of Meghan Markle is racially motivated is so absurd….with all due respect, it's bullshit. If you don't believe me, go back and read the piece I wrote.”
Jason Lee: “I'm not calling you a racist.”
Piers Morgan: “Well, hang on. Hang on. Hang on, you’ve had your say.”
Jason Lee: “If I was calling you racist, I'll tell it to your face.”
Piers Morgan: “Well, you are. You kind of are, actually. You kind of are, and that's fine.”
Jason Lee: “No, I'm not.”
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Michael Douglas reveals how he made a little girl cry to get a scene right.
Interviewer: “The little girl who plays your daughter. Did she just have this natural charm?”
Michael Douglas: “Yeah, she was wonderful. Naturally, she was very good.”
“In a close-up, I took her bunny rabbit and said, ‘I want to keep it.’”
The little girl got upset and started crying.
Michael Douglas: “It was so moving. And I did give it back to her and gave her a big hug. We got along well, but I did feel guilty.”
“What you’ll do for a movie.”
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Adam Carolla explains what he'd tell a 25-year-old thinking of leaving California
Andrew Gold: “Is there a version of California that can come back?”
Adam Carolla: “Yeah, if they stop voting for all these nut jobs, but they won’t. They like it.”
Andrew Gold: “It’s like a cult here, isn’t it?”
Adam Carolla: “Yeah. Yeah, it’s a cult. They like it.”
Andrew Gold: “What would you tell a 25-year-old in California or Britain who’s thinking, ‘Gosh, do I have to leave?’”
Adam Carolla: “Yeah, I would say just leave.”
Andrew Gold: “But you didn’t leave.”
Adam Carolla: “I don’t really get affected by it. I’m not looking to buy my first home. I’m not looking to be gainfully employed. I have my own world, so it’s fine with me. But I am looking to leave.”
“I don’t know what was going on in Texas, Tennessee or Wyoming before, but I know now it’s got a Starbucks and a Topgolf and a P.F. Chang’s. Just go wherever you want.”
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Noah Wyle reveals why he never turns down a child’s autograph request after Eddie Murphy told him to “fuck off” when he was 9.
Noah Wyle: “I met Eddie once when I was a kid. I asked him for his autograph and said, ‘I really like you on SNL.’”
“He goes, ‘What are you doing up that late?’ And I said, ‘Can I have your autograph?’ He goes, ‘Fuck off, man.’”
Amy Poehler: “And how old were you?”
Noah Wyle: “Like nine.”
“So I always sign an autograph. Whenever a nine-year-old needs an autograph from me, I sign that so fast.”
But years later, his daughter turned the childhood disappointment into one of the most thoughtful birthday gifts he’d ever received.
Noah Wyle: “My 10-year-old daughter printed up a picture of Eddie Murphy and wrote on it, ‘Dear Noah, you’re a great kid. Eddie Murphy.’”
“I have it framed in my office. It’s the greatest gift.”
Amy Poehler: “Oh my God, I love that story. I also love Eddie’s story, too. I think we’ve treated kids too nicely sometimes.”
“You used to be able to tell a kid to scram.”
“Scram, get out of here. And now, God forbid.”
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Amanda Seyfried reveals the tiny detail that helped her understand Elizabeth Holmes while preparing to play her.
Interviewer: “Was there something in those deposition tapes that made you think, ‘That’s her. That’s Elizabeth Holmes. That’s who she is’?”
Amanda Seyfried: “Every time she drank her coffee. Because she can’t perform drinking coffee.”
“It was just the way she drank her coffee. You’re drinking your coffee. There’s no way to perform that.”
“It’s just like you’re hiding from something. She would swallow a certain way. Her visual discomfort was very palpable. The different smiles. That was my treasure box.”
“Every time I needed some help or guidance, I would go to my computer and click on the four hours of the deposition.”
“You’re under oath, and there are lights on you that are not flattering at all. You’re not in a good spot when you’re in a deposition most of the time.”
“Mimicking somebody is so weirdly indulgent and exciting. And that was my teacher. She was my teacher.”
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Amanda Seyfried reveals she turned down Guardians of the Galaxy because she thought a talking tree and a raccoon would ruin her career and she still doesn’t regret it.
Interviewer: “Looking back, was there a choice or moment early on that seemed small at the time but ended up being much more critical and important to your path?”
Amanda Seyfried: “I think turning down Guardians of the Galaxy was just… it was so obvious to me at the time.”
“I’m like, ‘This is not going to be a hit. They’re talking. The tree and the raccoon are talking to each other.’”
“I was just like, ‘This will ruin my career if this is bad.’ And there’s a high chance that this could be bad.”
“I mean, obviously, I was wrong. But I still don’t take back that decision.”
“I made it for myself, and for my family that I knew I wanted to have.”
“I really don’t like stunts, and I don’t like heights. I just don’t want to spend all the time in the makeup trailer.”
“There’s something really cool about having this machine behind you and getting to be active and physical. And I’m just not that person.”
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Matthew McConaughey explains why saying “honestly” can make people question everything you’ve said before.
Matthew McConaughey: “We’re talking now for the past 30 minutes. Now what if right now I go, ‘Okay, but Kareem, now honestly, what the hell is that?’”
“What am I predicating my next phrase with ‘honestly’ about? So is the last 20 minutes me just saying that I’ve been full of shit?”
Kareem: “Honestly, I agree.”
Matthew McConaughey: “No, but seriously.”
Kareem: “No, honestly. Honest to God, I agree with you.”
Matthew McConaughey: “Did we even need the rest of the conversation? What was the rest of it all about?”
“People do that all the time. I catch my kids with it.”
Kareem: “And you do tell them?”
Matthew McConaughey: “Don’t predicate with ‘honestly.’ It makes it sound like you’re full of shit the rest of the time.”
Kareem: “That’s a good lesson learned.”
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Amanda Seyfried admits she milked fainting on the set of Les Misérables because Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe were doting on her.
Amanda Seyfried: “I remember fainting because it was hot and the corset was tight, and I don’t know why else, but I was like, ‘I’m going to faint.’”
“I kind of sat back on the ground because I knew I was going to faint. And it was huge. Everybody was there. Sasha, Helena, Russell, Hugh, Sam, everybody.”
“I woke up because I was only out for seconds. It wasn’t even smelling salts that woke me. But I did the full faint because, you know what your body’s doing.”
“Hugh was right here, and Russell was at my feet, and I was just like, ‘This is the best.’”
“I milked it for like two hours.”
“I was very aware that Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe were doting on me in such a way that I didn’t know I needed until that day.”
“And then I fainted every day to the end of the shoot.”
“I was kidding. Should have.”
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Heart surgeon and Cardiologist, Dr. Jay Usani Warns of The Danger of Eating Every 3 Hours "The Insulin Trap"
Dr. Jay Usani: Now, how much insulin is the question.
“If I'm eating every 3 hours and I'm consuming glucose or I'm consuming starchy foods or I'm consuming carbohydrates, now watch where I'm going with this, because you're already beginning to know where I'm going with this”
“I'm consuming glucose and carbs every 2 to 3 hours, I'm stimulating my pancreas, I'm stimulating my insulin. My insulin goes up, it comes down. But before it even gets a chance to come down, it goes up again.”
“So the repeated consumption of and frequent consumption of glucose is causing my insulin to stay high, because insulin stays a little bit longer in the bloodstream than the glucose. The glucose will come down in about 2 to 3 hours, but the insulin stays higher for about 4 hours. “
“Now what happens is that you continue this lifestyle for a few years. The body, because these are all hormones, will say, "Well, you know, I'm going to need to make more insulin now." You become insulin resistant.”
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Bonnie Blue just admitted she got a Birkin from Andrew Tate, right after he called her 1,000-man event Gay
Andrew Gold: I mean, and I mean Andrew Tate recently, you were talking to him, he was saying it's quite gay.
Bonnie Blue: Oh, he says everything's gay, to be honest, and this is the most pathetic thing I think I've heard come out of his mouth: if you're having sex with someone and it's not to get them pregnant, it's gay.
Andrew Gold: Do you think he might be
gay?
Bonnie Blue: Um...
Andrew Gold: He protests a bit too much.
Bonnie Blue: I mean, he probably likes a cheeky rim job and a finger. But I don't know.
Andrew Gold: Did anything happen with you and Andrew Tate?
Bonnie Blue: No. I did end up getting a Birkin, though. So I'm not sure where that came from.
Speaker 3: Birkin?
Bonnie Blue: Tends to buy a lot of people he has had sex with a Birkin.
Andrew Gold: Wait, what's a Birkin?
Bonnie Blue: An handbag.
Andrew Gold: Oh, right. He just got you a handbag?
Bonnie Blue: Yeah.
Andrew Gold: How was it going out to see him?
Bonnie Blue: Um, good. To be honest, I didn't know what to expect. A lot of people have, you know, pre-judged him. They've sort of already told me their opinion on him, but I went in very open-minded because I know what the press say about me. I know how I'm perceived online.
Parker challenges a guest who wants gay sex to be illegal because it doesn’t produce children, exposing a contradiction in his argument
Parker: “Do you think oral sex is wrong?”
Guest: “No.”
Parker: “But you can’t reproduce from that.”
Guest: “You’re categorizing everything into the same thing, but it’s not the same, bro.”
Parker: “Is it wrong to marry someone who’s infertile?”
Guest: “No… But it’s not their fault.”
Parker: “When people are gay, it’s not their fault that they can’t produce kids through gay intercourse?”
Guest: “I feel like it is their fault.”
Dean Withers confronts a boyfriend who denies that forced finger penetration is rape, before the boyfriend makes a disturbing joke about raping his own girlfriend
Dean Withers: “Do you accept that the legal definition of rape would include a man forcefully penetrating a woman's vagina with his fingers?”
Boyfriend: “Personally, no.”
Dean Withers: “This is the federal definition that applies in all 50 states according to federal law.”
Boyfriend: “What's the difference between molestation, abuse and rape?”
Dean Withers: “Why do you disagree with the federal law?”
Boyfriend: “Because everyone should be in jail for rape then. Is that not true?”
Co-host: “What? what he say?”
Dean Withers: “Are you admitting to raping somebody on a TikTok Live?”
Co-host: “Have you unconsensually penetrated somebody?”
Girlfriend: “Have you unconsensually penetrated somebody, stop laughing, this is not funny, stop, stop, come on.”
Dean Withers: “You either just admitted to raping your girlfriend, or you made a joke about raping your girlfriend, which one was it?”
Girlfriend: “He made a joke.”
Dean Withers: “Did you just make a joke out of raping your girlfriend? you sick fuck
did you just make a joke out of raping your girlfriend in front of her? you are fucking disgusting, what kind of creature are you?”
Girlfriend: “Stop laughing, disgusting.”
Dean Withers: “And he's laughing, and he's laughing.”