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The SNL sketch where the entire earthquake coverage is derailed because every single person trapped in the collapsed Social Security building was there to legally change their name.
Donald McRonald trying to become a Johnson, Mark Peanus, Holden Tudiks (who went alone because he thought his parents would be mad), A. Hitler “hailed as a hero,” Dr. Donna Diddadog, Julia N who insists her last name is pronounced like “cigar,” and the anchor is just Carol Kumdungeon the whole time.
The absolute best part is Kate McKinnon’s anchor getting called out for every single earthquake pun and just calmly going “Yes.” No defense, no apology, pure shamelessness. And Pete Davidson as the firefighter completely loses it in the background at Holden Tudiks like he wasn’t even supposed to be in the sketch.
This is the kind of stupid that only works because everyone committed so hard to playing it completely straight.
april ludgate describing government work: “doing the bare minimum is doing your part.”
somewhere, millions of employees just sat up straight and whispered, “finally, a politician who understands me.” 💀
then leslie knope shows up with enough enthusiasm to make an entire department look productive just by entering the building.
one woman treats public service like a paid nap. the other would organize a committee to celebrate the nap.
honestly, that’s the most realistic government documentary i’ve ever seen.
Why are @Starbucks pickup orders are so confusing. Can you at least try to help people find their orders so they don’t have to look through every order and touch everyone else’s food in the basket? You need a better system -Starbucks at 6836 Charlotte Pike Nashville, TN
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A farmer, tired of rats destroying his crops and stealing his grain, came up with a clever but cruel plan. He threw a dead pig into a deep, abandoned well. Attracted by the smell, nearly 80 rats rushed into the well to feast on the carcass. At first, everything seemed wonderful. There was more than enough food for everyone, and the rats ate until they were satisfied.
But when the food was gone, they discovered something terrifying. The walls of the well were too steep to climb. They were trapped. Days passed, and hunger turned into desperation. Desperation turned into aggression. The rats that had once eaten peacefully beside one another began fighting for survival. Eventually, they began killing and eating each other.
One by one, their numbers dwindled until only a single rat remained. Its eyes were bloodshot, and it had survived by consuming its own kind. Then the farmer returned, lowered a rope into the well, and rescued the last surviving rat. But he didn't save it out of kindness or compassion.
The farmer knew the rat had learned to survive by hunting other rats. When he released it into his fields, it would continue killing its own kind instead of eating his grain. The farmer had turned his enemy into his greatest weapon.
And that is the lesson of divide and conquer. Those who control the trap don't need to fight the battles themselves. They simply create the conditions in which others turn against one another.
The rats believed their enemies were the other rats. They never realized that the true enemy was the farmer who had put them there.
The greatest danger isn't always the enemy standing in front of you. Sometimes it's the one who created the conflict and stands quietly watching you destroy each other.
Before you turn against your neighbor because of their political beliefs, ask yourself who benefits from keeping Americans divided. While we fight each other over Republican and Democrat, we may be overlooking those who profit from the conflict. Perhaps the real question isn't which side you're on, but who built the well—and why they want us fighting at the bottom of it.
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