Eric Giroux

What’s your favorite healthy fat?

I would put the efficacy of my post-shower towel-dry technique up against anyone's.

You know it’s a good one when your wife says “omfg was that your butt?” from the other room.

Sick prompt, bro.

Let’s find a good show so I can ignore it while I stare at my phone.

Streaming service: Who’s watching? Me: who tf you think

You ever get a 2-Factor-Authentication code with some clean ass numbers and think, “Yeah… today is gonna be my day.” Just got hit with a 999345 and I’m pretttty sure that means god loves me A LOT.

Reeeeeallly hoping Santa brings me some Hands-Free Skechers Step-Ins this year!! 🤞🏼

If my phone connects to the car Bluetooth in the morning and starts playing Spanish Guitar… it means I banged @JaclynWolff last night.

Serious question: What do you think #CaitlinClark’s frozen eggs would fetch at auction?

Best time to fart around your fam is when the smoothie is blending. #lifehack #protip

I miss the good old days when they would actually clean your hotel room.

Whew… I’m stuffed. Better just eat another 2300 calories of trail mix quick.

Boyyyy better believe your 3rd grade teacher meant BUSINESS when she flashed the lights off and hit you with the “one two three… look at meee”

October 17th marks the first uncomfortably cold toilet seat of 2022.

Wife: “Aright everybody let’s get in the car.” Me: “You’re gonna kill me but..” Wife: “🙄 You have to poop.” Me: 😬

Lady behind me at sandwich shop ordered, “Turkey, extra SALT, extra black olives, and mayo. That’s it.” Like that was her whole fucking sandwich.

As the weather heats up, let’s keep the dudes who wear a beanie as part of their identity in our thoughts and prayers.

No, Encanto is about MY family.