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Wa a'laykumus salaam warahmatullah wabarakaatuh, May Allâh subhanahu wa ta’ala, in His infinite Rahmah, ease your affairs in this world and the hereafter. May Allâh grant your family hidayah. Your observations are alright. Kindly send me a message via DM; let's have a session.

Some rejections and disappointments are redirection to a better opportunities. It usually serves as motivation to do more or try something different.

Who do you call when you're in trouble?

What are your fears about getting married?

For singles with unrealistic marriage fantasies and expectations. This is a reminder for you that real life is completely different from movies. Majority movie scripts are fictional, far from reality. That's why they're categorized under entertainment.

The Ummah is still battling with the consequences of sisters pushing themselves at the forefront during courtship and sisters exaggerating their qualities beyond their realities. These had led to many divorces we see around today. These problems haven't been rectified yet but ANOTHER SERIOUS PROBLEM is now manifesting in them again. The PROBLEM OF preparing for Divorce even before marriage. The problem of preparing for their husband's death right before getting married to their husbands. The problem of being FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT AT ALL COST AND OUT OF FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. The problem of FAULTY MINDSETS. The mindset of "my husband is likely to die before me." These are indeed big problems that will surely compound the problems we have already and would lead to more divorces. Qaasim Olaking

Handling divorce request from spouse

Every man makes mistake

What is love?

ISLAMIC RULINGS ON KHUL` Praise be to Allah. What is khul’? Khul’ means the separation of the wife in return for a payment; the husband takes the payment and lets his wife go, whether this payment is the mahr which he gave to her, or more or less than that. Khul’ in the Quran The basic principle concerning this is the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And it is not lawful for you (men) to take back (from your wives) any of your Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) which you have given them, except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah (e.g. to deal with each other on a fair basis). Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the limits ordained by Allah, then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Khul (annulment).” [al-Baqarah 2:229] Khul’ in the Sunnah The evidence for that from the Sunnah is that the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammaas (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I do not find any fault with Thabit ibn Qays in his character or his religious commitment, but I do not want to commit any act of kufr after becoming a Muslim.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to her, “Will you give back his garden?” Because he had given her a garden as her mahr. She said, “Yes.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to Thabit: “Take back your garden, and divorce her.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari, 5273). From this case the scholars understood that if a woman cannot stay with her husband, then the judge should ask him to divorce her by khul’; indeed he should order him to do so. How is khul’ done? With regard to the way in which it is done, the husband should take his payment or they should agree upon it, then he should say to her “faraqtuki” (I separate from you) or “khala’tuki (I let you go), or other such words. Talaq (i.e., divorce) is the right of the husband, and does not take place unless it is done by him, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Talaq is the right of the one who seizes the leg (i.e., consummates the marriage)” i.e., the husband. (Narrated by Ibn Majah, 2081; classed as hasan by al-Albani in Irwa al-Ghalil, 2041). Hence the scholars said that whoever is forced to divorce his wife by talaq wrongfully, and divorces her under pressure, then his divorce is not valid. (Al-Mughni, 10/352) Valid reasons for divorce With regard to what you mention, that a woman in your country might arrange her own divorce through the man-made laws, if this is for a reason for which it is permissible to seek a divorce, such as disliking her husband, not being able to stay with him or disliking him because of his immoral ways and indulgence in haram actions, etc., there is nothing wrong with her seeking divorce, but in this case she should divorce him by khul’ and return to him the mahr that he gave to her. But if she is seeking divorce for no reason , then that is not permissible and the court ruling on divorce in this case does not count for anything in terms of shari’ah. The woman still remains the wife of the man. This gives rise to a new problem, which is that this woman is regarded as a divorcee in the eyes of the (man-made) law, and can remarry after her ‘iddah ends, but in fact she is still a wife and not a divorcee. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-‘Uthaymin (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about a similar matter and said: “Now we have a problem. The fact that she is still married to him means that she cannot marry anyone else, but according to the court ruling she is apparently divorced from him, and when her ‘iddah ends she can remarry. I think that the only way out of this problem is that good and righteous people should get involved in this matter, to bring about reconciliation between the man and his wife. Otherwise she has to give him some payment, so that it will be a proper shar’i khul’.” (Liqa’ al-bab al-Maftuh by Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymin, no. 54; 3/174) And Allah knows best.

Issues related to mahr ●What is a Mahr? Mahr is the right of a woman obligated by Allāh to be given to her by a man when he seeks to marry her. Allāh says وءاتوا النساء صدقٰتهن نحلة... "And give to the women (whom you marry) their mahr with a good heart…” [al-Nisa 4:4] This means ALL of the mahr belongs to the woman and should be given to her. She can however use her discretion to give part of it to whoever she wills and then it becomes permissible for them to consume it. Allāh says فإن طبن لكم عن شيء منه نفسا فكلوه هنيئا مريئا "...but if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease" Q4:4 It therefore follows that whoever unjustly withholds part or all of the mahr given to a woman, be they her parents or relatives, then they have oppressed her and consumed what is harām for them. Mahr is a woman's right to do with as she pleases. ●What is to be given An agreed amount that has tangible value. The woman mentions what she wants and this is open to negotiation until an amount or an equivalent item of tangible value is reached. This can be in monetary terms, gold and silver, a car, a piece of land, jewelries...anything with a value that can be quantified. ●Advice to the man and woman on setting the amount of mahr The woman should look at the man's financial capacity and be considerate to state an amount that is convenient for him to pay if she really wants to marry him. It is also within her right to refuse marriage if the man can not afford an amount she wants till she finds someone that can fulfill that. When discussing rights we should keep our emotions aside. It is her right to state what she wants, whether it favours you or not. You can only appeal to her on grounds of consideration. However, the man also has the right to cancel his marital plans if he finds that the amount requested is beyond his capacity. Do not put yourself through unnecessary difficulty to pay an amount that is clearly beyond your capacity. Both the 'buyer' and the 'seller' have rights they can exercise within their discretion. ●A point women don't consider at the point of setting an amount for mahr. If a very wealthy man seeks for a woman's hand in marriage, she can request for 500 million naira or a bag of gold as mahr and as long as he can afford it, this is acceptable. What they sometimes don't consider is that in the event of separation on the request of the woman (Khul') this amount or item, or a part thereof will be required to be returned to the man as a condition for the annulment of the marriage. So you have received 500 million only to discover he is a drug addict for instance and want to quit, well, you might have just shot yourself in the leg. So, you can state any amount you want, but perhaps you should also not go to extremes without looking at your own capacity or that of your family in the event of unforseen contingencies. ●Owing mahr It is permissible for the payment of the agreed amount for the mahr to be deferred (paid at a later time) if both parties agree to this. However, the man is reminded that the mahr is a right of the woman which he MUST pay, in life or in death. ●The one who owes mahr is a debtor A man who owes his wife her mahr is considered a debtor and all that applies to a debtor applies to him. 1. He is like a prisoner until he pays his debt, and he will be held captive by his debt if he dies without paying it, until it is paid. Like the Rasul peace be upon him said "إن صاحبكم مأسور بدينه". So a debtor should be borthered by his debt every morning he wakes up until he pays it off. A debt that grants you access to a woman should be given even more priority. 2. If he dies before paying her her mahr, then it will be removed from his wealth and given to her, and this will be required to be fulfilled before he is buried! That's how serious it is! ●Debt is not a norm. Debt is not something you undertake for frivolous reasons. There has to be a genuine need for it. So don't owe the mahr if you have the means to afford other less important aspects of the marriage. Someone who can rent an expensive hall for a wedding waleemah should have no business owing mahr. Similarly, the debt should be one of the first things you strive to pay after the marriage. If you have the money to throw an elaborate occasion for the aqeeqah (naming) of your child then it doesn't make sense to still be owing your wife her mahr when all you really owe your child is a ram or two (for boys). Similarly, owing your wife her mahr and going ahead to pay the mahr of another woman and even in some cases, spend extravagantly on the new wedding only shows how little you fear the consequence of debts or how you belittle what you owe your wife! One way men rope themselves into this conundrum is by agreeing to a mahr they can't afford at the time of the marriage believeing they will be able to afford it in future when things change. This is a huge mistake! As for me, I will rather call off the wedding if I can't afford the mahr, or owe them the traditional tubers of yam (even this is despised) than owe the mahr. I will feel a loss of self esteem going to meet a wife at night when I still owe her her mahr. ●Finally, mahr is not the measure of a woman's worth. Do not go to extremes about it or compete with one another on it. It will be ridiculous that a pious and responsible man of good character comes to you seeking marriage and you chase him away with an exorbitant mahr. Look at the person, check his marriage suitability viz a viz his piety and character, and other things you find attractive about him, then state a mahr that is within his capacity to pay, the rich according to his means and the poor according to his'. Remember: A DEBT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU PAY WHENEVER YOU LIKE. IT IS SOMETHING YOU PAY AS SOON AS YOU ARE ABLE TO! If you still owe your wife her mahr, please go and pay it, may Allāh ease your affairs. Abu Imrān

WIFE'S RIGHTS OVER HER HUSBAND The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation. She also has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated decently and reasonably, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband. 1. Financial rights (a)The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4] The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman. The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)” [al-Baqarah 2:236] The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract. If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife. (b)Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending. The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure. What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:233] “Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7] From the Sunnah: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.” It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)

The Wife’s Rights Come First in Marriage – Even Before the Parents In Islam, once a man is married, his primary worldly obligations shift toward his wife, especially in terms of her rights as a spouse, such as maintenance, companionship, protection, and emotional/physical support. Qurʾān (Surah An-Nisa 4:34) This verse sets the foundational principle: “Men are the maintainers and protectors of women,” indicating the husband's primary duty of care. 1. Wife's Rights •A husband is obliged to provide for his wife financially, even if she is wealthy. •He must not prioritize others (including parents) in ways that violate her rights (e.g., time, housing, intimacy, etc.). •The wife has a right to her own residence, separate from in-laws if she requests it and the husband can afford it. •Obedience to the wife in her rights is obligatory (fard), while obedience to parents in matters that do not involve sin or obligatory acts is recommended or encouraged (mustahabb). So if there's a conflict between fulfilling obligatory rights of the wife and recommended duties to parents, the wife's rights come first. Al-Mughni by Ibn Qudāmah, the husband is required to: •Provide exclusive accommodation for his wife. •Not force her to serve in-laws. •Fulfill her marital and financial rights regardless of the parents’ opinions. •The husband’s responsibilities toward his wife take priority over his parents when there’s a conflict, and •The rights of the wife (post-marriage) take precedence over those of the husband's parents. 2. Ibn Taymiyyah’s View Ibn Taymiyyah (raḥimahullāh) emphasizes that: "A man must treat his wife with kindness, and give her her rights. This is an obligation upon him and more binding than being good to his parents if the two duties conflict." Reference: Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, vol. 32, pp. 260–261 He explained that: •Obeying one's parents is not allowed if it leads to injustice toward the wife. •Forcing a man to divorce his wife without valid Shar’i cause is not permissible, even at the request of parents. Ibn Taymiyyah said in Majmūʿ al-Fatāwā 32/260–261: “The rights of the wife are more binding than the rights of the parents if they conflict…” And: “It is not permissible for a man to obey his parents if it means divorcing his wife unjustly.” This is clear and strong. 3. Balancing Between Wife and Parents Islam does not teach neglect of parents. But: •The wife’s rights are based on contractual obligation (nikah). •Parents' rights are moral and spiritual but do not override the wife’s rights when there’s a direct conflict. •The man should strive to maintain good relations with both and mediate wisely, but not at the expense of the wife's basic rights. A husband’s legal and contractual responsibilities toward his wife come first over his voluntary duties toward his parents when the two conflict. •After marriage, a husband's obligations toward his wife and her rights take precedence over those of his parents, especially when resources are limited or conflict arises. •This principle is rooted in Qurʾān, with Ibn Taymiyyah and other scholars providing clear and direct rulings. •That said, Islam still strongly encourages kindness, respect, and balance toward parents but not at the expense of neglecting marital duties. Therefore, once married, the wife’s rights take precedence over the rights of parents in areas where there is a conflict, because the husband is legally and religiously bound to uphold those rights. Summary: •Wife’s rights = Contractual and enforceable (fard) •Parents’ rights = Spiritual and moral (fard too in many cases), but not contractual in the same way •When they conflict, wife’s rights take precedence.