Kelly

I hate it here.

Found a doc I have no memory of containing 239 KCorp job descriptions. Don't know if anyone would, but please hurl me your email if you'd like access. I don't know who's still on Twitter (hi, I'm not), so pass my info along to anyone you think might want it. Tks

Penny got mad at me and pretended to place a call to Gordon Ramsey to tell him, "Gordon, we've got a bad beef wellington over here."

My two best boys are together again. We will miss Sheldon. Thank you for liking him, too.

Sign I'm old: @thebanana_stand called me at 10:00pm and I thought, "it's SO LATE, it MUST be an emergency." Sign @thebanana_stand is old: it WAS an emergency, she needed her special antacids real bad.

The people who had the biggest and most satisfying reactions to me chopping and shaving off 90% of my hair were my apheresis nurses and that is why I think nurses should be paid a lot thank you

Righty tighty lefty loosey doesn't make any sense and I will die on that hill. Don't try to explain it to me I'll call the police.

At the end of 2021, I had a whole list of new opinions. I only have one new 2022 opinion, which is also a 2022 PROCLAMATION: I DO NOT LIKE READING ABOUT HOW KISSING SOMEONE TASTES. Thank you, have the year you deserve.

We gave Penny her own spending account and debit card for Christmas (LOOK IT'S HARD TO SHOP FOR HER). I didn't think this all the way through. I forgot we live in the future. I'm going to have to start accepting her Starbucks at the door.

Yeah we’re doing this on Christmas Eve but at least she’s old enough now that we don’t have to wait til the dead of night, we can just demand she keep out and be in bed by our regular 8:30pm without issue.

you know there's that trope of the clueless husband getting his wife a vacuum for Christmas and I GET it but like idk anyone who wouldn't be psyched to get a really great vacuum. Have you ever heard someone with a great vacuum talk about their vacuum? I want a love like that.

I just remembered that Michael named his penis Ralph.

IT BEGINS ANEW.

I cut off even more hair last night (well, shaved off most of it) and I suspect the only one who has been honest about it is my parent's dog Aurora, who immediately bit the hell out of me on sight.

I got an apple watch and discovered the walkie talkie feature immediately. Phil's life is RUINED.

Okay, NOW I can sleep.

Have y'all ever heard of/seen a yellow jacket sting have a normal "o shit, got stung by a yellow jacket" reaction, only to come up in hives/swelling a full week later?