Hot Flush: A Gentleman's Guide

I've given the book a bit of a spruce up! Check it out on @amazon 😁 amazon.co.uk/dp/B01MXWCQF2 #books #funny #wellsortof

"Famous author, explorer and iffy parent Charles Lindbergh once said that “Real freedom lies in wildness, not in civilisation.” Tell that to someone who’s just spent the past two weeks camping with no toilets." #hotflushguide

"Studies have shown squatting to poo is actually significantly better for you. That's definitely something to consider when you skid over backwards and shatter your coccyx trying to line your back door up with a hole the size of a grapefruit." #hotflushguide

"No-one wants to go to an Italian prison just because they didn't know where the toilets were. Preparation is everything." #hotflushguide

"The bus does not have a toilet. Judging by the smell not everyone has received this information. I saw a carrier bag on one the other day that contained what I hoped were melted toffees." #hotflushguide

"One has to feel sorry for any trains that have gained sentience like Thomas, particularly if they are required to do the London to Manchester run whilst ferrying people’s shit around in their giant steel pockets." #hotflushguide

"Coaches may be slow but coach toilet doors move lightning fast and will take a finger off quicker than a hungry turtle." #hotflushguide

"Never underestimate what hours of travel will do to a septuagenarian bowel trying to deal with a continental breakfast. These old dears have got plumbing older than a B52 and only half as reliable (but just as likely to drop something upsetting in Berlin)." #hotflushguide

"Motorway services were invented in 1974 for people to congregate under fluorescent lighting and feel painfully alone together. In 1975 they started serving food because, as everyone knows, nothing builds a fierce hunger like crying at a plastic table." #hotflushguide