voted sexiest joke writer of the year
Joined January 2015
- Tweets1.5K
- Following290
- Followers183
- Likes3.8K
Pinned Tweet
hey does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 45mins while I go to trader joes? it would be around 10k but I am flexible
Trying to find a hobby in your mid 20s is so hard why doesn’t it say if the kayaking class I just signed up for is BYOK OR NOT
Just turning 25 and started saying shit like “this lineup is stacked” about a plaza with both a TJmaxx and a Nordstrom rack
haley retweeted
Trudeau: We’re probably going to keep booing the American anthem. But let me tell Americans, we're not booing you. We're not booing your teams. We're not booing your players. We're booing a policy that is designed to hurt us.
And we're insulted. And we're angry. But we're Canadian. Which means we're going to stand up for each other. We're going to fight. And we're going to win.
I hate being an adult like it’s Thursday and I’m trying to hype myself up to go get an oil change who am I
haley retweeted
no piece of art has shown as much understanding of and affection for david lynch as riverdale. in no way, shape or form is this even slightly a joke.
haley retweeted
it’d be so funny if everyone tunes into timothée’s snl episode (understandably) expecting him to sing bob dylan and then the first performance starts and he breaks out into you’ve never had chocolate like this
haley retweeted
[watching romeo and juliet on broadway] ohhh okay i get it. it's like john b and sarah
There’s something about picking the most chaotic double feature to watch on a plane….. yasssss uncut gems x Lyle Lyle crocodile
