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mind lost

@insanestation

ugly, fat, i fucking hate my life, youtuber. || 16+ | main @hellfyry | priv @crueltyinquiet

 deez
niap.carrd.co
Joined January 2019
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no im definitely not mentally ill im very certain that all of the things i do and the things i feel are very much normal and average
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on an unrelated note, kraft mayo has a very interesting flavor in compared to some of the other mayos i have tried and i really like it for some reason
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it's kind of ironic too, how i feel this way, and yet i constantly whine on the internet to an audience of strangers i don't even want help from i have this account, my whole priv account, and my main to blabber on constantly and yet i can never explain to someone who can help
mind lost (@insanestation) profile picturemind lost@insanestation1h
Replying to @insanestation
like i don't even know what's real at that point because i don't know why or where along the line i developed this refusal to admit to hurting when confronted but i just can't. unless im actively experiencing something i default to "im fine" every time.
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i feel like i always reach a point where i feel like things are getting better and i'm in a clearer head space and suddenly i get dropped right back again and i have to just repeat the cycle cus like what else can i do
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i'm still mad at myself for going to work immediately after finding out my friend died i was torn, i could barely breathe, i kept crying during the 4 hours i worked, i couldn't even last the whole day i should've just called in and let it be but per usual i forced myself to go
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it's nice to an extent, to have something so obligational, to have to distract yourself but it doesn't work all that well with a wound so deep and so fresh there's a reason most jobs, including mine, offer bereavement time for familial loss that distraction doesn't cover death
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i hate when im having a fine day and then one little thing kills my mood and suddenly i'm back at square one and i hate everything
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it's always something, isn't it?
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you ever just talk to someone and get that ghastly sense that your time is limited
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oh welll another day where i essentially did nothing despite having the whole day off. ohhhh weelllllll
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the back pain winning this week fr good loroodddd
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i used the last of my cats typical dry food before work yesterday morning and forgot to buy them another bag before i left so ive been starving in solidarity. they ate wet food twice its not like they havent eaten but i shall not eat until they do which will be in an hour or two
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i didn;t update but we are all fed now its ok
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needed to order groceries last night and instead of ordering groceries i passed out before hitting the order button so now i have to wait on them to come later 😭😭😭😭
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dude fucking What
Image from mind lost (@insanestation)
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being paranoid is actually mega lame cus im literally debunking shit to myself and the other part of my brain is like Welllll maybe you're wrong cus blablabla like ZSHUUUTTTT UUUUUPPPPP
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i love being 22 years old with unknown back problems. leaned over to sweep up litter on the floor and instead of peaceful cleaning my fucking back twinged. like fucking great yes thank you for hurting at 12:30am before i get up at 6 to work my heavy box lifting job
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