Happy new year to my beautiful wife, Lauren and beautiful cat Hot Wing. Can't wait for 2025 with you #cbcnye

Is there a single better way to feel tired than thinking about flossing? You will immediately.

Quarantine has left time to rewatch a lot of movies. Rewatching the classic, House of 1000 Corpses tonight. It has made me wonder if Sheri Moon Zombie is the spooky/horror equivalent Judy Greer? Both fantastic.

One of the few benefits of the covid-19 outbreak is being able to unsubscribe to so many company email lists (who are taking this deeply seriously, you guys) that I had no idea even had my email. See you in unsubscription hell: Marriott, Hertz, Goop, etc.

To all the people getting upset about Pumpkin Spice season happening earlier every year: this is our only defence against Christmas music.

Okay, normally I wouldn't tweet something like this, but I couldn't stop laughing. youtu.be/vqCHdVOzetc

.@EvoCarShare @car2goVancouver this happens ALL THE TIME at the waterfront station parkade. What should I do when I see this? How can this be prevented in the future?

To all the @car2goVancouver drivers that fold the key into the fob: thank you. I feel so badass starting off my trip pretending I'm opening a switchblade.

I'm rewatching Game of Thrones before the final season and it is wild no one in the Nightswatch or Wildings wears a toque or a hat or anything. Ever. Like, not even a guy in the background. Poor clothing choice but hard as fuck I guess.

There's someone outside my window on the street right now alternating between yelling jibberish and singing Avril Lavigne. I cannot decide which is more annoying.

36 is the age I am finally comfortable wearing my sweatpants to the shops on a Saturday. Hopefully 1006 is the age I pair them with white new balance shoes.

I've made mistakes in my life. Thankfully, calling it "KAH-RAH-TEH" is not one. There is absolutely nothing more truthful than pudgy white guys claiming they had a dojo/sensei who would fuck you up.

I feel like if I commit a crime it should be in a classy venue. There's a better ring to, "suspect was apprehended at the Louvre" than "police arrested the man after an altercation at a burrito stand". This will likely be one of the few times I make the news, so make it count.

Saying you don't like the taste of water is the same as saying your least favourite colour is 'clear'.

The power went out in my place today and I only had to reset *one* clock (my stove). I feel like this is a human race accomplishment but shows the lack of evolution of stoves.