@johnkensil

https://xitter.cf/t.co/cj3DLGdBVn

 Fistin your face, Anytown USA
johnkensilcomedy.com/
Joined June 2009
  • Tweets84.4K
  • Following1.9K
  • Followers2.4K
34.3KMedia
The vet said if my cat gets any fatter, he’s he’s going to have to be baptized at the Camden County aquarium Cats get baptized, right? (see I’m new to this whole feline thingamabob and what not)
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I have no problem with trans people Live and let live this morning I was standing next to a trans person at a funeral They had a nice green skirt on, a hat with a feather in it and a bagpipe And a walrus mustache and ….. uh oh When I woke up I found an argyle sock
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My new book “john Kensil‘s guide to doughy podcasters who need a shave and wear baseball hats and hooded sweatshirts and talk about queefing in elevators, etc.“ The book is 225,000 pages long
🤖 Made with AI
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John F Kensil retweeted
John F Kensil@johnkensilOct 12
This is me on Ozempic and moron pills
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John F Kensil retweeted
John F Kensil@johnkensilOct 26
RIP #walterkoenig #StarTrek
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This is my cat voting Ha ha ha get it? Get it? Oh boy this one’s going right to John Oliver!
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RIP #walterkoenig #StarTrek
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Ai is out of Control 😂🤣
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John F Kensil retweeted
John F Kensil@johnkensilOct 24
Don’t stay at The McGonigal Arms down by the docks They charged me for a porno film I didn’t watch I mean I never saw “Honk Kong Gooey”
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I was on Alabama’s got talent Doing my Comedy routine I lost my virginity at a school function Unfortunately, it was the mother Son Dance !!!” And then I pulled out my banjo and played it with my feet The host said that I was too funny
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They had to wait days for the fella to pass the earrings then they were cleaned & resold Husband “here are the Tiffany earrings” Wife “why do the smell like Joey Chestnut’s underwear?” Husband “how do you know what Joey Chestnut’s underwear smells like?” Wife “it was a guess”
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Growing Up Retro
@GrowingUpRetroOct 23
FINISH THE SENTENCE: The one thing you could buy at the corner store in the ’80s that kids today are missing out on is ________.
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Don’t stay at The McGonigal Arms down by the docks They charged me for a porno film I didn’t watch I mean I never saw “Honk Kong Gooey”
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Me when I get the check
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This scene is so perfect in every way. The twins are cold-blooded killers. Doing this in broad daylight in a grocery store parking lot, killing a pedestrian just for looking at him. The slow walking toward hank, the twin not finishing hank with the gun because it was "too easy" is when you know you're insane
Kalshi Film
@Kalshi_FilmOct 22
What movie has the greatest action scene of all time?
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Neighbors have replaced their lawn with Astroturf so far two mail men and a Yorkshire terrier blew their knees out on it
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On October 22, 1992, Dan Castellaneta made a guest appearance on NBC's "L.A. Law", playing David Champion, a fired theme park employee who wore a Homer Simpson costume. #TheSimpsonsGoats #TheSimpsons #SimpsonsForever
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#Monicalewinsky has a book coming out about people who have had sex acts named after them So far It’s her Larry Blumpkin And Melvin Teabagger
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It’s a regular hoagie Only it’s made with CK1 And it has IROC tire marks on it
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