Kati

Make Twitter Twttr Again

If Fox could do me a solid and stop showing me Bryce Harper and Dusty Baker it’d make it a lot easier to root for the Phillies and against the Astros

What I can accomplish in the 30 minutes before someone comes over: sweeping the house, cleaning the bathroom, doing all the dishes, putting away laundry, fluffing the cushions. What I can accomplish in the 30 minutes the baby is napping: eating a snack.

Blue pacifiers: $14.99 Pink pacifiers: $15.99 Teaching my 11 week old about the #pinktax: Priceless @Target

What’s the appropriate amount of time to wait between talking about how adorable my child is and saying I think she takes after me?

So far the biggest disappointment about motherhood is that this kid keeps me up at all hours, but never once have those hours been 6-8am on an F1 Sunday.

I know they say that having dogs doesn’t prepare you for kids, but my ability to talk to a living being who cannot use words to talk back is a skill I’ve honed, and it’s serving me well.

Me: You’re cute but you cannot spell C: I’d rather be cute

The difference between having two dogs and having two dogs and a baby is that now we say “Ooh big stretch” 200 times a day instead of 150 times a day.

Good morning to everyone except the people shooting off fireworks at midnight last night

They say that what your baby hears in the womb then comforts them when they’re on the outside. Instead of nursery rhymes we’ll comfort our baby with the familiar sounds of “are you fucking kidding me ref?” over and over

I can handle a 6 run deficit. I cannot handle the crowd doing the wave. Who have we become? @SFGiants

Not sure which surprised me more, that only about 60% of people on my flight were wearing masks or that by my estimates 70% we’re watching Spider-Man.

“Even E-40 is there.” Guessing this is the first Warriors game these announcers have watched.

Oh Captain, my Captain! #SFGiants

I just informed Clinton that the time change is tonight so now instead of losing an hour of sleep he’s going to stay up all night and lose 8 hours “in protest”