@kloogans

welcome to my website

Joined March 2015
  • Tweets13.5K
  • Following470
  • Followers45.7K
1.6KMedia
too many generic kid names like "chris" and "jake" out there. if i had a son i'd name him something bad ass. like "the shovel"
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just said fuck in front of my 5 week old kitten
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never understood why they gave the suit a pair of fat bigfoot tits
Pubity
@pubityOct 18
After almost 60 years, the original 1967 video footage of 'Bigfoot' has been proven to be fake. Surprisingly, it was completely staged.
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(trying to describe spiderman quickly) He shoots Ropes
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this would go hard as fuck in a school zone
Tesla
@TeslaOct 16
0-60 mph in 0.81 seconds
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the human body is incredible. did you know you can work out without filming yourself and your body still improves. life is a miracle
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love those last few squirts of an empty ketchup bottle where it sounds like you’re beating a gnome to death
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It's crazy that there's a tool out there that's become vital to they way I do my job, parent my kids, and make major life decisions; and yet we barely spend more on it than AI
Lennart Heim
@ohlennartOct 14
TIL that global spending on alcohol is still larger than AI infrastructure spending this year ($1.7T vs $1.5T)
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my roommate is so fucking annoying
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“can you hop on a quick call”
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meant to send a pic of my baby kitten 😭
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dropped my tv remote and woke my 3 week old kitten
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I’d like to see Claude have 8 beers and text all his friends about how much he loves them
Craig Weiss
@craigweissOct 7
claude can basically do anything for you now. literally anything.
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alright
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every moving company has a name like 3 guys 2 fat dicks 1 regular dick and a truck
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Getting a milkshake as a kid is like receiving the Mandate of Heaven while getting one as an adult is like damn I’m really a big fat bitch, huh? I hate myself
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me: want a beer buddy: what do you have [my dumb ass son gart who was asexually reproduced via budding falls off of my shoulder and plops on the ground, quickly growing a mouth] bah me: got a fridge full of bud lite buddy: alright i'll have one gart: bah
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my muted words list reads like a person is experiencing the most confusing day of their life
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saw a train on my morning walk
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found out i had a long lost twin so i tracked him down and absorbed him. most twins have the ability to do this #AbsorbYourTwinAndTakeTheirMoney
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く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡(40/60lbs)@fadedanddemotedSep 25
just found out americans don't say "pardon" to get someone to repeat themselves? what do you guys say???😭
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