Dog shoots woman in Nebraska, flesh-eating screwworm in Mexico, Trump studies circumcisions, meteor hits volcano, Japanese space lasers, new digital slaveries, nuclear dust, resurrection drugs, telepathic mantises, pet translators, reverse zoos, wizard found incompetent to stand trial, blue alien octopus in Galapagos, 8 or 57 extraterrestrial species, daylight saving supremacy, new moon base blueprints, WiFi radio fingerprints, chemtrails from DARPA, grapevine pests with no cure from Costco, inevitable microplastic diet, impossible nuclear crystal, economic confidence way down, landspout in Shallowater, Texas, false flags for ballroom budgets, ceasefire is a synonym for missile strikes, Vatican and Anthropic sitting in a tree, BMW slave bots, humanoids at JCPenney, digital ID for Chinese robots, anti-tech extremists, AI Stan Lee, AirPods with cameras, 18 Ebola patients flee treatment facility, White House UFC arena and Harambe tribute, Trump to move on Cuba “like a bitch,” those aren’t UFOs they’re balloons, non-human material, scientists find third eye but still can’t find their girlfriends’… Blue Origin explosion, Netanyahu goes to hospital, not even Vance wants Vance to be president, the Reptile moves to Argentina, the Tiger promises 10 mega-prisons in Colombia, Space Force gives SpaceX $2.29 billion, study predicts population collapse, reporter flees US after directed energy weapon attacks, new fake dinosaur discovered, Don Jr. marries Epstein’s personal banker’s daughter, Putin gifts Kazakhstan four Siberian tigers and invests in pig-grown organs and 3D-printed human tissue, Meta AI pendants, male Thai cops disguised as female dancers catch drug dealer, AI takes 16,000 jobs a month—meanwhile an AI startup pays $2,000 a month to watch you masturbate, penis cream sues Brad Pitt, virtual cow scam gets 45,376 years in prison, Sweden bans cousin marriage, charges dropped against Israeli caught with home biolab in Vegas, 25 people reported coughing after man sprays unknown substance inside Tokyo mall, Australia suing 3M for $2 billion over forever chemicals, Claude trading stocks with credit cards, speed-limiting devices installed in cars of serial offenders in New York, environmental protection tolls in the Strait of Hormuz, NYPD investigating if the figures climbing out of a Brooklyn manhole at 2am were rabbis or turtles, Shaolin monk sentenced to prison for embezzlement, U.S. seizes Iran’s crypto, Mars expected to attack Capitol Hill any day now, Pam Bondi on White House AI panel because her face is AI, Scientology speedrunners arrested for hate crimes, Dr. Jill Biden says she thought Joe Biden was having a stroke at the 2024 debate and for the first time she sounds like a doctor, Canadian man says ChatGPT made him apply to be pope, Google releasing millions of mosquitoes in California—many of them, no doubt, will be robots collecting your blood to create personalized bioweapons—also—mosquito repellent now attracts mosquitoes, Jeffery Epstein body double “Palm Beach Pete” running for mayor of Palm Beach, rare albino buffalo in Bangladesh nicknamed “Donald Trump” has been spared from sacrifice, FBI arrests CIA official for stashing $40 million in gold bars at his Virginia home, and we’re getting a 250 dollar dollar bill, y’all.