leveredlloyd

Bankruptcy: Part 1

Where’s everyone picking up chicks in NYC these days?

You see all these finance influencers on IG like, “Here are the top 5 things I learned on Wall Street.” Then you check their LinkedIn and see this shit. Brother, you weren’t even trusted to fetch the desk coffee

Dudes who bought oil at -$40.32 a barrel in 2020

Investment bank AI rollout: “Our next-generation agentic reasoning platform leverages frontier-scale multimodal LLMs with autonomous tool orchestration, enabling end-to-end institutional financial analysis, valuation, forecasting, stochastic risk modeling, and complex decision support with minimal human intervention.” How investment bankers use AI: “How do I professionally tell my boss he’s a wanker?”

This is disgusting. Anyway, any US tech firm currently hiring an exec?

Can’t wait to crop dust the sales row like a B-52 with Chipotle payload

Me blacking out on 6 $5 Presidente margaritas at a Chili’s in the Midwest after a ‘quick’ regional bank client meeting

“Yeah bro, i don’t eat seed oil. That stuff bad for u”

There won’t be a second date, but at least she knows that forward SOFR spreads are mispriced to the curve steepening narrative

Every summer I open a new bar in the Hamptons. Cheapest lease I can find, just enough plumbing to pass inspection. Hire smoke show bartenders, book a washed DJ, and bring in TikTok influencers to call it a “hidden gem.” $5 Costco tenders become a $100 Tender Tower. Kirkland vodka? $25 a shot. Reject 95% at the door to create fake exclusivity. No Resy. No signage. Kids max out credit cards for clout. Staff’s underpaid, tips are guilt-tripped. Clear $2M by Labor Day. Same scam, new name next year. We don’t sell drinks. We sell delusion. Have fun staying broke, suckers.

Things drunk traders thing about: 1) If i rip 2 upper decky 3mg ZYNs does that equate to 1 6mg 2) What is my projected burn rate if i get a divorce in 3, 6, 9 years 3) Do you think [enter bar here] will let me in wearing a white button down?

The face I make after crop dusting the sales row

There’s someone out there rn that’s late for a Pilates class and has absolutely zero clue dow jones dropped 2,231 points on Friday

Deploying dry powder in the finmeme sector this am

A true Private Equity bro in training

Missing the Bloomberg terminal user interface on the private sector section. Hasn’t changed since the 80s

So i don’t get this. We saw strong job and low unemployment numbers, yet equities sold off. Using the same logic, if companies start having mass layoffs, would that cause equities to rally?

9 out of 10 women in America currently have something to return at Zara