mallory osner

this aged well

million dollar idea: a voice activated oven where the timer shuts off when you say “i hear you”

i’m tired of wasting my lipgloss on this pandemic. will i need a mask? will i not? will people even recognize me with a mask on? nobody knows.

adulting is me texting my mom that i cooked when really i just made mac and cheese on a stove instead of in the microwave

if i could only see one thing that no one else has seen it would be dolly parton without her wig on

“i am a grown up” *puts capri-sun on a coaster*

new year but same me taking a 2 hour nap at 8pm for no reason

ngl tryin to dance to crank that soulja boy in the shower is really hard

i always get excited when i see that i have a snap memory and then it’s just a cute picture of my dog that i took at 1 am a year ago

the self-control it takes to not immediately spend all of my christmas money is absolutely astounding

i am so ready for the next roaring 20’s. i already got my hair cut short and a bunch of short dresses i haven’t been able to wear yet

ngl i was crying in the car listening to @carrieunderwood and her son singing little drummer boy for the first time

nothing makes your day like when your mom realizes that we don’t have food at home

why do they keep making these interior design games with levels you have to beat in order to design the house? can i not just design this fake house in peace considering i can’t even afford a $30 throw pillow in real life?

i feel like jean-ralphio (parks and rec) and schmidt (new girl) would be best friends but also they would be absolutely ✨toxic✨

i would honestly be just fine with a bowl of lucky charms for thanksgiving. i just wanna skip to the nap part