mark armes

Today my daughter said, "The best way to kill the staff of the Peanut Army is to eat a strawberry like you're in a commercial."

The worst part of having life-changing diarrhea is your wife doesn't want to hear about it.

"YOLO" -No Tibetan monk, ever!

FINALLY someone notices 99.9% of people waiting for iPhones are Chinese gothamist.com/2014/09/21/fil…

My wife said it’s ok to make fun of my coworkers for being pussy whipped.

I once had a fart that was so bad, my wife asked the cab driver what that smell is and he said there are a lot of factories in the area.

The more experts I met the more I realize nobody has any idea what they're doing.

People say Limitless is about Adderall but I don't remember Bradley Cooper having explosive diarrhea.