Ø. ‍𝐅𝐎͟𝐎𝐋 ﹔

ㅤ ㅤ ………… no kid. it absolutely breaks my heart. it breaks my heart to see sorry saps walk away with their grand prize, only for it to be a dud. a one hundred thousand credit dud. ( hand to his heart. ) but i have to make these sacrifices! ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ ITS A SAY—ING! honestly you youngsters with your “67” and your “skibidi toilets”! ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ it coOooOould be both! ( now donning a pair of reading glasses, holding up a chart with some type of writing on it and nodding sagely. ) the diagnosis is lookin’ pret—ty grim… ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ let ol’ uncle sampo tell it to ya straight! ( he sliiings his arm around caelus’ shoulder. ) everything in here’s a dud! a total knockoff! and normalllyyy, i’d take the money and run, but since you’re a friend, lemme show you the 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 goods! ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ THAT’S what i want to know! ( with his hands on his hips. ) honestly— the nerve of that guy ! ….. and uh who are we talking about. ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ yoooohooooooo @SPACEFARlNG ~ hey— hey— why that face ? i’m about to tell you about a sweet deal ! ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ i’m truuulllyyy honored my fav-OR-ite customer thinks so highly for me! i’m here to make you laugh, make you cry, make you inspired ~ ✨ now — is it this solar system give out candy for good trick or treaters? ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ from… little ol’ me? ( he walks around caelus, inspecting him. ) is this what i look like to you? ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ oh! very bold to dress as miss sparkle ~ ! i like it ! ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ hey reader! ( does this. ) ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ …. ( he trembles suddenly, in a far too exaggerated way to be truly frightened. ) boss, you’re not serious are you? me? fight? i’m more of a “make love, not war” kinda guy! ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ of course, of course ! that would be just awful. we wouldn’t want that ! ( sweep sweep sweep. he proceeds to salt the steps, with another bag that came out of nowhere. ) whew, that was hard work! what’s next for your favorite employee? ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ( ❗️ a sudden chill runs up his spine. he slithers out of jing yuan’s hold— or at least, attempts to. ) i would, gosh, i would, but i’m just a little busy today! how about we reschedule that? ( clasps his hands together in prayer. ) i’m completely free next thursday! ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ great idea, boss! ( with a salute, sampo produces a broom from seemingly nowhere and begins to sweep away at the steps, whistling all the while. ) ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ hmm…… ( taps his finger against his cheek. ) no… no. i can’t see any POSSIBLE correlation between me and your missing wallet! good luck though ~ ✩ your ol’ buddy — SAAAAMPOOO KOSSSKIIII — is rooting for you. ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ 10 credits—- 10 credits?! do you want me to STARVE on the street? what about a measly 100? ㅤ ㅤ

ㅤ ㅤ i’m flattered! but come on, i have to stay in character— don’t i? ㅤ ㅤ