Micah Margolis

People be hatin on almond joys too much

I pick the m&m’s out of trail mix

I think Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon are just gonna swap places for funsies

The idea of a bed is wild to me, like we just be laying on slabs of foam

I could go for a BLT right now

My goal in life is to have the same amount of confidence as LeBron James after just one (1) made three-pointer

Jeremy Wade has a new show on Animal Planet, the world is at peace

Laying flat on the floor is like therapy

What are The Wiggles up to these days?

There is no such thing as a boneless wing, there are wings and there are chicken nuggets

I need Lin-Manuel Miranda to play Marlin in a live-action Finding Nemo

Every TED talk feels familiar. Like, I feel as though I’ve seen this one before

Maturing is realizing Puffs makes better tissues than Kleenex

It just be humid sometimes

The worst thing ever is someone recognizing you in public and you just not knowing their name

How many times must I tweet before I’m a niche internet micro-celebrity?

If you’ve ever called a mint “spicy” you’re just wrong

You ever see something so funny your breathe out of your nose real fast?

The fact that the Animal Planet hit show River Monsters was only cancelled because Jeremy Wade had nothing left to catch is truly awe-inspiring

Disney on Ice is pure artistry