FDR: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country." DJT: "Nicki Minaj's ass."

DID YOU KNOW? When the Republicans lose and Donald Trump declares "Marshall" law, all of America's military and security forces will be under the direct order of actress Paula Marshall, who will hopefully use them to end this nightmare.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Greenland. Greenland who? Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.

FACT: There's no skank like a Mar-a-Lago skank.

"[Democratic Senate candidate] Angie Nixon was the lead sponsor of a bill to let schools turn children, all of them, transgender without parental consent." - Donald Trump, setting some kind of record for the number of lies in a single sentence

Catholic priests: "We don’t rape children anymore." Also Catholic priests: "Let's pose with the most famous child rapist in history."

BREAKING: Child rapist applauds ad attacking raped child.

With Donald Trump getting all the attention it is important to remember that JD Vance is an asshole too.

Vivek Ramaswamy is the little kid who follows the bully around the playground laughing at his victims.

Schools were not forcing kids to have transgender surgery. Babies were not being aborted after they were born. Migrants were not crossing the border to vote for Kamala Harris. Donald Trump is a pathological liar and, if you believed this shit, you are a pathological dumbass.

"Listen, Mr. Smarty Reporter Pants, I'm rubber and you're glue and whatever you say sticks to me because I'm sticky rubber and also a pedophile."

Just for Men hair dye has introduced a new color: Pedophile Brown.

If you want to look tall, hang out with short people. If you want to look young, hang out with old people. If you want to look smart, hang out with Trump supporters.

During a school shooting, children hide under their desks. After a school shooting, Republicans hide under theirs.

Republicans: "If Democrats win, they will prosecute President Trump for his many, many crimes."

SHOWN: The first thing you do when you find out JD Vance will be speaking at your venue.

School nurse: "If you fill out this twenty-page form and have it signed by a pediatrician and notarized with three witnesses, I can give your child a Tylenol when they have a headache." Donald Trump: "Schools can secretly turn your child from Tim to Tammy."

Donald Trump has had strokes that lasted longer than Katie Zacharia.

DID YOU KNOW? Anthony Scaramucci worked in the Trump White House for over two Zacharias.

Donald Trump is what would happen if someone tried to make stupid from concentrate but forgot to add water.