Dog stalker, password forgetter, she/her
Atlanta, GA
Joined November 2009
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My only hot take on the Oscars is that my dog should get one for being so committed to a role that he briefly convinced himself that he knew how to play chess
If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow
Don’t be alarmed now
It’s just my dog who has carved out a hole in our bushes so she can pee in private
Happy holidays from our newest addition, Aleister Growley, a deeply, deeply unholy thing we now own because I make good adult choices
Thread: I won a painting at auction & when I got it I realized that it looks like a zombie baby attacking its dad while the mom is all “I told u not to pick up that zombie baby,” so I decided to get a lil brass plaque engraved to say “Help! Zombie baby!” & attach it to the frame
So I googled & found customizable plaques & ordered one through a 3rd party seller thing & all was fine until I got the receipt & realized my personalized order was coming from a MORTUARY
It is truly one of the joys of my life that almost every shark movie has someone on staff who is like, “of course I know what a ‘shark’ is, a shark is a water bear”
Realized I’d moved the kitchen dog-spy camera so I went to check it; found this image of me yesterday, wearing a ballgown skirt alone in the house on a Monday, swigging wine directly from the bottle while watching the news, & frankly this is a pretty accurate summary of my year
The neighbors tied some balloons to their mailbox for somebody’s birthday & you can see them out our front window, & this has been the dog ALL DAY because apparently this is the most excitement she has had in A YEAR
I bought this lady statue online from a local shop for curbside pickup, & I brought a blanket to transport her safely, & I meant well so I’m not sure how this turned into a hostage situation where she stared at me like this all the way home
Once a vet told me that Mooose “could be a little dramatic” & I’ve been irritated by that comment for 2 years, but every night Mooose brings me his monch & barks until I wiggle it in the air so he can attack it SUPER FEROCIOUSLY & anyway, turns out that vet might have had a point
Everything is terrible but here are some things my husband has spontaneously said tonight while we watch the news:
- “I have an idea to improve Kit Kats”
- “We should be able to vote on what words go in the dictionary”
- “I once designed a treadmill for iguanas”
