Hannah Dolan(Morris)

This evening my two year old daughter was sat on the loo, leaned back and an arch of piss soaked her pyjama bottoms and the toilet mat.... impressive. Made me jump a bit

"no mopping until you've finished your biscuit" Added to the list of what I never thought I'd say to my child

@MCRMetrolink I'm trying to get from Prestwich to Timperly but I can't see any Altrincham trams?

Nursery may say that Zoras really clever but it's 5am and she's been awake for 2 hours crying, saying "tiny car" and "I want a coffee" over and over.

This morning when I was trying to get Zora to lay down so I could change her nappy she held her hand up to me and shouted "no, mama! Stop it! Go read a book." Like she was putting me in time-out. #sassytoddler

"COME ON, YOGHURT!" I love Zoras sleepy falling asleep nonsense. Usually it's just a list of names and words she knows but she just did a full on football team style shout. #teamyoghurt

This made me actually laugh out loud 👇👌

Fuck potty training, when are they ready to learn to blow her nose? How do you teach "exhale, quickly, through your nose"?

Baba offering her milk to @ChloeKim after an amazing run. #WinterOlympic

I never thought being a mum would include pulling shit out of my satsuma obsessed childs ass. Every time it happens in reminded of when my last family dog ate a bin bag and dad had to deal with it

2.15am is truly the perfect time to practice saying "eyebrows' and laughing manically. Go to sleep, toddler.

Holding 2022 up by the scruff of its neck and bellowing bad threats into its face. FUCKING BEHAVE YOURSELF

I hate to call my baby dramatic but, fucking hell, chill out pal, they're just farts.

I'm now antibacing my handheld vacuum because the baba has taken to hugging and kissing it when I do her playpen

This kids definitely mine. 3.30 resettle and she stops her sobbing and smiles at me and says "dog!" As if she just remembered they existed

Googling "Who was responsible for WhatsApp/Facebook/Instagram going offline and are they ok"

I've just remembered how much I briefly loved Alisha's Attic

Shouting "WHO'S POO CAN I SMELL?!" at the cat, dog and baby is a perfect way to start the day

I'm still struggling to tell the difference between the neighbor's baby's babble-yelling and the local cats having a noisy stand-off

Noooooo... Oh John.