Zane Graves

I'm the kind of gay who will get drunk and go on a 45 minute rant about how unjustly maligned the reviews were for Death Becomes Her only I don't have to be drunk and I'm about 90 minutes into this one right now.

Having stage 4 pancreatic cancer, I gotta say...not a fan.

One of the nurses on the floor today sounds EXACTLY like @tracyvwilson

Love that I still threw up after taking my last dose of Zofran. My body is more of a petulant, stubborn asshole than I am.

I'm just curious what will make a doctor see you in less than three months, because "I can't stop vomiting and lost 80 lbs since November" doesn't seem to alarm them.

Stomach: "I kinda hurt, you should put some food in me." Me: "...you just want me to give you something to throw up." Stomach: "..." Me: "..." Stomach: "Maaaaaaaaaybe."

When Corey Feldman talked about how he and friends of his were sexually assaulted as minors by people STILL in the industry, #BarbaraWalters response was to decry the damage he was doing to Hollywood.

Playing Cruel Summer in the middle of winter is almost worse than Christmas music before Halloween.

Hero of the Day goes to the owner of the local diner who not only (unasked) delivered my food but, when I asked how much I owed him, said: "I'm busy man, ain't no one worried about you."

I had to firmly, but still professionally, tell a customer that it's DECEMBER and the employees here and I are retailer workers so KEEP IT SIMPLE. And to not fucking do "bits" as we're trying to ring you out.

I haven't been able to have real food for a month now and I'd murder someone with my now weak, frail arms so I could eat a Reuben.

I know I'm "for real sick" when I can't even keep up with today's Discourse.

The only person on this app who looked more miserable in every single photo than Andrew Tate is fuggin' Jack.

I am Michael and QuickBooks is Janet and "updated tax tables" are cactuses.

This is your reminder that even as an entertainment industry nepotism bébé, Ben Shapiro could not make it as a screen writer. He was THAT BAD AT IT. Glass Onion is a lot of fun.

I'd watch a yearly special of Carol Kane as the Sugarplum Fairy beating the shit out of some asshole every Christmas. I'd plan my entire holiday schedule around it.

Amazon is all "The Prime order you placed last week that we dragged our asses on is gonna be late cause it's cold." Bitch, this shit should have been at my door WEDNESDAY.

Hallelujah is NOT a Christmas song. ...I will, however, accept it as appropriate for Hanukkah.

Why didn't the Gremlins "get wet" while being out in the snow all that time?

Nothing like a customer who has never been in your store triple questioning every answer you give them. Do you think I'm hiding the shit you're looking for? If I say we don't have a fifteen year old, never reprinted comic, we're FUCKING OUT.

I'm withholding my judgement about how the reindeer treated Rudolph until after I hear how he plays Catan.