Which is hotter: breaking a clavicle on a football field or screwing on a pile of plastic saber-tooth tiger shit? #WYATR
The romance on this episode is amazing. "Look, a mastodon! Make a baby with me." #TheBachelor
My water bill has really gotten small these last two months. I had no idea showers were so expensive.
I am sure I misheard something in the latest RHAP B&B podcast -- did @David_Boreanaz block @LianaBoraas on Twitter? That can't be right.
I now believe everything @whats_ur_sign_ has ever written, thought, or said. That video of @KendallPatrice getting gaslighted would be an eye-opener in, say, a sexual harassment court case. (Allegedly!)
DISPATCH TO @OCASIO2018: Operation Save Nordstrom’s is a success. We painted the windows so the store appears filled with Ivanka’s handbags. Then opened Hooters and changed the toll roads to only accept SpeedPass readers. They think they are still home. #SecondCivilWarLetters
I've had a crush on @michelleisawolf for a long time now and suddenly everyone knows why. Except @seanspicer -- he's probably baffled.
That's not a sentence the world ever expected to hear xitter.cf/TheSwagger/status/7946…
So is @RyanLochte the dumbest person ever or merely the dumbest person alive today?
If God keeps practicing, he'll eventually succeed in washing Louisiana into the Gulf of Mexico. Someone evacuate Emeril.
I know things seem chaotic, but don't worry. We got this. Someone is briefing @realDonaldTrump on where Turkey is RIGHT NOW.
