Cave Johnson

I tried to tell the lab boys why shooting down my Bone-Constructed Aircraft was a bad idea and they started a petition to fire me.

I had some like that and then two died and the other was laid off.

Never said "paranormal." Either you're working with dyslexics, primates, or someone mixed up the Supernatural Affairs Department with Robotic Conflict Resolution... which is foldered under dyslexics and monkeys. Long story short, get proofreaders. And better hiring practices.

Update: was likened to Stalinist-coded Vacuum Transport Tubes revolting and shooting Aperture Self-Contained Explosive Munitions at the Maoist-coded Automated Gel Mixers. The war was resolved via contained EMP blast and a hard code reset was performed. Repairs are underway.

We're looking into complaints of an undescribable noise in the West wing of Robotics Production. Will update soon.

Movie about a guy eating Black Mesa

I don't know if the Borealis incident tampered with my libido, but I've noticed a LOT of our products (namely the ones that come with appendages) would be more fuckable if we tacked on some genitals. Avoid Sphere 299 if you don't like the smell of tuna.

You're a month late, then.

You.

Are you opposed to the GAY robots or the gay ROBOTS?

Apologies for the hiatus. I wasn't told that ramming the Borealis with the world's largest icebreaker would upset her teleportation system enough to transport everything around it one month in the future. FYI, it's still stuck in there. We're working on plan B.

So? We cracked digital consciousness with a bunch of floppy disks. Why should I feel excited for something that got shot out of the sky by a bunch of Serbs just because they can make the thing fly itself with some tape?

Oh, by the way, we just finished its conversion to an icebreaker. We'll have it shipped off to the Arctic in a day or two or five, I really don't know. The contractors refuse to tell me when they can get this to the Borealis

Getting tired of being billed monthly for the cranes digging up the Borealis so I'm buying Seawise Giant so we can just ram it into the ice and call it a day.