𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔬𝔱𝔦𝔠 𝔫𝔢𝔲𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔩

“Look who decided to come out of their room!”

“Buy the bride a drink” no thanks I’m straight edge

If you showed me a portal to the backrooms I absolutely would not go in there. But I would sit my white ass down and listen

Just wrote “women and men” instead of “men and women.” Just a glimpse into my soy and woke mind.

Ran for the first time since my motorcycle accident. Pleased to report I am still bad at running

Please no one send this to my wife

I am the first man with a mustache to ever ride a motorcycle

Bought a new car

Looking back I realize I used to be really problematic. I still am but I also used to be

DIY music is dying. It is imperative that you support local bands. And by local bands I mean the bullshit I recorded in my air conditioned living room

Life update for you, loyal followers: I got in a motorcycle accident in June. Here’s some glass I pulled out of my hand a month later

I think when you turn 65 the police should come to your house and take your license away and you have to successfully navigate a Trader Joe’s parking lot to get it back

Gen Alpha Slipknot be like if you’re 555 then I’m 6-7

Y’all are eating microplastics, I am eating macroplastics.

They say bullying is immoral, but I haven't seen or heard a grown man say "doggo" in quite some time. Pros and cons to everything.

My google searches: “How fat can you be and still be good at fighting?” My wife’s google searches: “Does the world always have the same amount of water?”

Bon Iver is short for Bonaparte Iverson

The definition of insanity is logging in to twitter and expecting not to see hardcore drama

Can’t stop thinking about Jesus with a low taper fade

Spooky Black