‍‍ ‍‍ᴳᴿᴱᴬᵀ , ‍‍ 𝐨𝐫 ‍‍ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝘩𝑖𝑛𝑔 .

he said he can't afford another heart—break, yet here he is, offering said heart mended with cheap glue, tape and staples in a silver platter. faint nods follow, candid. "yeah, it's okay."

"no, you wouldn't." it feels like masochism, the way words coat in reassurance, trying to ease the guilt other is undeserving of carrying atop his shoulders. "but that's okay, really. i'm a big boy, yeah ? i can handle it." lightness to tone feels fabricated, yet does not yield.

finally does he dare to meet unyielding gaze, amidst blurriness from alcohol and unshed tears. he feels stupid, having this conversation while drunk in a costume. feels even more stupid for being the cataclysm that prompted it. they could've just kept pretending.

gaze falls upon group of friends instead as couple shares a kiss. "it's getting chillier," he points out stupidly, trying to keep tone steady as he rises, head hanging low as palms dust pants, all an attempt to hide glassiness to umber hues. "we should head out."

"if this app didn't exist," he starts, unsure if he wants to hear the answer. "and this somebody called you too, where would you be ?"

"i can't afford another heart—break, jisu," he finds himself saying, cadence dripping in honesty. "it's okay. i said it before, i can handle rejection. i won't act odd around you, if that's what you're worried about."

halloween night's freezing wind does bring forth a sense of relaxation, eases some of the nausea that reigns movements of lungs. lids fall shut for a second as body slumps atop patio's steps, accompanied by distant chattering of a drunk couple and giggling from gossiping friends.

all efforts divide into two priorities; trying not to throw up and ignoring candid confession from phone call. deep inhale for a millionth time, deep exhale. "outside, please. i feel sick——"