If you ever feel as if you are insignificant and have no impact on the people around you, try farting in an orchestra pit

Whenever I have to get a cello and suitcase around a tiny Tesco Express full of Londoners with no awareness of the existence of others, I imagine a running sports commentary on what a great athlete I am with such world class swerving skills

Literally my Theatre Digs profile

When you think about it, Shostakovich 7 is basically the original emo concept album 🧐

Pit band roulette: when 1 out of 6 of you had a big bowl of bean casserole before the show

Anytime I need a laugh I remember the time I tried to persuade a duo partner that we should play Being Alive as an encore, he said it was a stupid idea, we argued for a bit before discovering he had confused Being Alive by Stephen Sondheim with Staying Alive by the Bee Gees

Cheese and crackers is a balanced meal because you balance the cheese on the crackers. Follow me for more health tips 🙏

People: “Pit musicians are the unsung heroes of theatre 🥺” Techs:

Last night a small boy in the front row decided he wanted to share his sweets with “the music people” and passed some down to us in the pit. We love all our audience members but we’d be lying if we said we didn’t have favourites… 😄

I don’t know who needs to read this but you do not need to buy pit clothes, you need to dig out all of your comfy trousers and t shirts that are looking a bit crappy and faded and put them in the washing machine with a black dye pod

Neighbour’s toddler just pointed at me and squealed, “CELLO 😀😀😀” when I did not actually have my cello with me, so I guess that’s my name now 🤷‍♀️

Here’s something I get a lot after concerts: “You look SO MUCH like my cousin/sister-in-law/neighbour’s ex. Doesn’t she look just like her? You do, you look so much like her! Hang on… I’ve got a photo somewhere… really you must see this, she looks just like you!” The pic:

Find someone who looks at you the way a pit musician looks at the MD monitor during a vamp

Please somebody tell me it’s not just me

Been through both @HeathrowAirport and @LGAairport in the last week and security at both airports treated my cello like it was a newborn baby. Very demure, very mindful 😭🙏

This morning’s barista: “I’ve heard the cello is really difficult to learn…” Me: “I don’t know really, I don’t play anything else” Barista: “How long did it take you to learn?” Me: “I’m still learning!” Barista: “How long have you been learning?” Me: “….28 years…”

When you get on the tube with a cello everybody openly stares at you as if you’ve grown an extra head, but the strict No Talking On The Tube rule is still observed… so it’s an entire carriage full of people just silently staring at you 😳