Daft jokes and pics. Interests include birds, beer, bristols and football. I make it all up. Badly. Pics happily removed on owners request.
Joined December 2012
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Got to say the Queen (and her speech writers) absolutely f**king nailed that.
Stay home
Stay safe
Send nudes
#WellMeetAgain
Well it's day 10 of lockdown, and I think I've wanked so much dehydration is setting in. Oh well, once more unto the breach dear friends....
Probably a sign of the times but my first thoughts on seeing this were to check she hasn't been stock piling bog roll...
Bloody hell! It's been a while since I've seen such well stocked shelves....
#LookAtTheSizeOfThoseSaturday
I'm sure everyone is already aware of this, but in these odd and worrying times, please remember
Wash your hands,
Keep at least 2m apart,
Stay at home when possible, &
Send nudes....
From the seats I'd say that's an A Class Mercedes. If so:
Somewhat underpowered engine,
Slightly vague handling,
Cramped rear seats
Expensive service costs, but
Truly magnificent airbags....
Sidney Abbott retweeted
To help with a crafty spot of errrr self "isolation" which bongo mag should be brought back and distributed free of charge?
29%Razzle
20%Fiesta
34%Readers Wives
16%Kays Catalogue
1,344 votes • Final resultsTo help with a crafty spot of errrr self "isolation" which bongo mag should be brought back and distributed free of charge?
29%Razzle
20%Fiesta
34%Readers Wives
16%Kays Catalogue
1,344 votes • Final resultsTo put it in terms i can understand, image virus's as bristols. As you look at the screen, to the left you have Corona, to the right flu. Note how flu is completely #OutGunned
#StayTheFookAtHome...Please
Carry on voting. I love them all but Khyber edges it for me.
What about you?
If you are stuck at home at the moment which #CarryOn would cheer you up the most out of my favourite four?
#CarryOnBlogging
30%Up The Khyber
13%Cabby
32%Abroad
24%Screaming
2,165 votes • Final resultsEverything considered, and I realise it's a small win, but the new Corona testing procedures at airports are, errr, wanktastic...
The pubs near me are very busy. Seriously wtf!?!
Supermarket shelves are nigh on empty. Really? Come on.
My advice...
➡️ Get some cans in
➡️ Only buy what you, and any vulnerable neighbours need
➡️ Stay in and wank/shag yourself senseless
#StaySafe
Well, day one of self isolation and working from home has gone well. I've viewed 93% of the entire pornhub back catalogue, panic bought 16 wrist braces from Amazon and have 3rd degree burns on the palm of my right hand. #HappyDays
#CoronaVirusUpdate
North East Councils announce that all gatherings of over 500 people are immediately suspended.
However @SunderlandAFC were happy to announce all their home fixtures can continue as planned...
Thanks to all for the messages - I was going to post a joke reply but honestly I've been away from twitter as i lost my job, luckily got a new one but with long hours, long commute and no access to twitter while at work. No complaints, I miss twitter but the job pays the bills.