Simon Rycroft

Merry Christmas and shit

Platty Joobs is cancelled. Waitrose has run out of clotted cream. This is not a drill.

Why did nobody warn me that I’d reach an age when I’d start to look my grandma in holiday photos?

One of the most life-affirming, heart-warming and scruttock-tickling books I have ever read. @RealBobMortimer’s autobiography is an absolute gem. I have never wanted to cuddle another man more.

Yes I know it’s 1:30am. Fuck off.

If anyone is bored I highly recommend trying to reason with a flat earther on social media. I’ve come across more intelligent puddles.

Arguing with antivax, pro “freedom” fuckwits on TikTok is my new hobby.

Also my profile pic is very old. I look more like a man who has been living out of bins these days.

Although my current username has aged quite well, possibly time for an update soon.

Lawrence Fox though

Well I managed it I think. It’s being published in 15 minutes regardless 😆

It’s time to see if I can wrestle 3 hours of amateurish footage into something resembling a half-decent episode.

My favourite part of late summer is when the birds feast on berries and then do purple shit all over my white laundry.

Thank fuck for that

That’s bettter

I fear the UK is going to have the highest per-capita Corona virus death rate of any country, because we are so fucking selfish, arrogant and stupid.

I just checked into a London hotel and this is in my room. Surely some kind of fucking joke.

I tried on a new wetsuit today. Have you ever seen an inner tube full of potatoes?

If you don’t shout I’VE WON every time a machine gives you change are you even alive?