St. Nick

Jesus, take the wheel for a sec. I gotta finish this tweet. -cool Carrie Underwood

I really miss my mom today. No matter how many years go by, grief still sneaks up on me every now and then. Hopefully that's my mom trying to give me a little nudge and a hug from the afterlife.

So, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. And I truly think if I had to identify with one of the main SpongeBob characters, I'm Plankton. And I don't know if that makes me proud or sad. But it's me. I am Plankton.

I've said it once, and I'll continue to say it. The people who have championed the idea to speak your mind, set your boundaries, be authentic, etc... these are the people who are ironically the most upset or confused when you are actually honest and direct.

I was asked what my sexual orientation is on a job application. Isn't that like... not an okay thing to do? I mean I don't really care, but I was caught off guard. Like, okay applicant: What do you enjoy sexually on your personal time outside of work?

Why is Kelly Clarkson doing this to me?

The friends who call you on the phone instead of texting...

I genuinely think about how much I love Olive Garden at least once a week. And I will gladly stand up to anyone who challenges my love for the original OG. (drops a handful of chocolate mints and walks away)

Do you ever get super irritated when you're talking to yourself and someone in the room interrupts to ask who you're talking to?

I finally bought this self-help book about combating procrastination. That was six years ago.

As a writer, brevity has always been my greatest weakness. It’s not that I’m unable to execute a point directly. I just think there is value in providing explanations as to why or why not you’ve chosen to communicate in such a detailed way. The reader needs proper context in orde

No one -- and I mean NO ONE -- ever said they would do anything for a Klondike bar. Now here we are in 2025, and I would do literally anything for a Klon... oh wait, I don't care. Like at all. Sorry Klondike bar. Bye.

I had a very long, intimate conversation with both of my dogs tonight. Long story short: I’m moving to Alaska.

I transferred from Los Angeles. Your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort.

WHO IS EATING AT BURGER KING HOW DO THEY AFFORD ALL THESE COMMERCIALS?

If I sit down at the restaurant and see a wedge salad as a starter option, I know I’m in the right place. It just feels right.

I think I've finally reached the age where I need to push my hair forward instead of pushing it back. The receding hairline is not it for me. But here's the problem: How do I do my hair any other way? It's all I know. Anyway, I clearly have anxiety. Have a great solstice!

I can attest that holding boundaries has changed/improved my mental health more than I could ever realize. It’s just taken years for me to see the benefits. I don’t care if I’m wrong or right, but don’t you dare come for me or cross my personal boundaries.

Sitting in complete silence in my home for even 30 minutes relaxes me more than I could ever know.

I'm 35 years old and finally asking myself: What would happen if I was honest?