I was offered a wizards hat but it got in the way of my dunce cap. If you want my opinion please wait while I ask my wife. Former MS MVP Jew-ish He/Him
Sherman, TX
Joined February 2014
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Lou: Who’s on call?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: The guy on call.
Bud: Who.
Lou: Who’s taking calls after hours!?
Bud: Exactly
sqlstudies.com/2013/11/13/wh…
This immediately made me think of @TracketPacer
Kenneth Fisqher (the q is silent) retweeted
Someone emailed ALL@COMPANY:
“Who took my oat milk from the fridge?”
846 recipients.
Then 23 people hit Reply All.
One wrote:
“Not me.”
Another wrote:
“Please remove me from this email.”
To all 846 people.
HR asked IT to stop employees from using the company-wide list for stupid things.
Comms said we couldn’t restrict it because “everyone needs the ability to communicate important information.”
So I made one change.
Every company-wide email now displays the sender’s estimated labor cost.
846 recipients × 20 seconds of reading time × average salary.
The next message came from Marketing.
“Cupcakes in kitchen.”
ESTIMATED ORGANIZATIONAL COST: $1,940
They deleted it.
Company-wide email volume dropped 96% in one day.
Yesterday someone sent one anyway:
“WHOEVER KEEPS STEALING MY OAT MILK, THIS IS NOW A $1,940 PROBLEM.”
Same guy.
Honestly I respect the escalation.
This is probably something everyone in IT should read. No clue if it's actually true, but it's certainly plausible.
HR bought employee-monitoring software without telling IT.
Screenshots.
Active time.
Idle time.
“Productivity scores.”
Then they asked me to deploy it company-wide.
I said we should pilot it first.
HR agreed.
So I installed it on HR.
By lunchtime the HR director’s productivity score was 41%.
She called me immediately.
“This is wrong. I’ve been working all morning.”
The software showed 2 hours and 17 minutes of inactivity.
“I was interviewing candidates.”
The laptop was idle.
“I was in meetings.”
The laptop was idle.
“I took a phone call with Legal.”
The laptop was idle.
She said the system needed to understand that work can happen away from the keyboard.
I agreed.
Then I asked how it was going to understand that for the 700 employees she wanted to measure.
Silence.
At 3:40 PM HR emailed me:
“Please pause rollout while we reassess whether activity metrics accurately reflect employee contribution.”
Pilot lasted six hours.
Turns out workplace surveillance becomes nuanced the moment the dashboard starts describing management.
Sequal Mike? I'd have loved something like that. 😂🙃
We hired a new VP named Michael Lee.
Unfortunately we already have a Michael Lee.
He works in the warehouse.
He's been here 11 years.
New VP gets:
[email protected]
He immediately messages IT.
“Can you move the other Michael to michael.lee2 and give me michael.lee?”
No.
He asks HR.
HR asks me if we can “prioritize seniority.”
I explain that the warehouse Michael has eleven years of email history tied to that address and changing it because someone with a nicer title arrived would be insane.
VP reluctantly keeps the 2.
Warehouse Michael finds out.
Changes his Teams display name to:
Michael Lee (Original)
By Friday the VP is being referred to as Sequel Mike.
He has asked IT to intervene.
Unfortunately nickname management is outside our support scope.
The ultimate existential crisis for @crisisofconsc. She can talk to anyone she wants on the Bills team, for as long as she wants .. but she has to do it via Teams.
