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Squish

@squishcomedy

publicity tweets from a sketch team at @packtheater as well as administrative updates from Fingerdale High School and Fingerdale City Hall

 Los Angeles, CA
facebook.com/SquishComedy/
Joined October 2017
  • Tweets133
  • Following186
  • Followers134
20Media
Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)Photo by Squish (@squishcomedy)
If you don’t want Downton Abbey spoilers, then stay the hell out of Fingerdale City Hall next week. Thanks, #TheMayor
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I know it’s Saturday and nobody is working in Fingerdale City Hall, but if anyone is nearby, I accidentally locked myself in the secret basement teacup ride last night and could really use a hand getting out. I’m almost out of water. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Hey Squishy Squishy!! That's right everyone! Sunday Night is Sketch Night - and we got @squishcomedy coming to the stage at 8pm! Bring Your Own Paper Towels. #onlyatthepack
Image from The Pack Theater (@PackTheater)
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Moving forward all renditions of the national anthem performed in Fingerdale must be done in the style of traditional Tuvan throat singing. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Hey @VoyageLAmag why haven’t you interviewed me, the Mayor of Fingerdale, yet? Seems like I would be a good get. I await your email. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Fingerdale High School Cafeteria Update: The sponges are for cleaning, not eating. Please stop eating our sponges.
Just a friendly reminder that everyone in Fingerdale should be at work right now. If I get to Golden Corral and it’s closed, we’re going to have problems. Thanks, #TheMayor
Squish (@squishcomedy) profile pictureSquish@squishcomedy25 Aug 2019
Labor Day in Fingerdale is being moved up to Tuesday, August 27th due to scheduling conflicts. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Fingerdale High School Cafeteria Update: Next week, all students will be required to recite a lyric from the new Tool album, Fear Inoculum, prior to purchasing their lunch. Please have the lyric picked out BEFORE reaching the front of the line.
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Effective immediately, Fingerdale’s official town bird is my cat, Mittens 🐈 Thanks, #TheMayor
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Excited to report that after a protracted battle in Fingerdale Superior Court, trains now have all the same legal rights as people! We did it! Thanks, #TheMayor
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Just to avoid any further confusion here in Fingerdale City Hall: The new trailer for the Joker movie *is* based on my life. The actual Joker movie *is not* based on my life. Thanks, #TheMayor
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I know what you mean. I was elected the mayor of Fingerdale based largely on my close, personal association with the grim reaper. He was a huge help at fundraising events like the one you described. Thanks, #TheMayor
Haymaker (@haymakercomedy) profile pictureHaymaker@haymakercomedy26 Aug 2019
Hey @squishcomedy have you ever been at a party and realized that even though you know everyone there, and they are all your friends, it just feels like the grim reaper is waiting for you? Like I hate the phrase to "kill time" like we are all racing for the grave anyway.
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In light of Andrew Luck’s surprising retirement I would just like to remind the @Colts that, even after all these years behind the mayor’s desk in Fingerdale City Hall, I still have an absolute cannon arm. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Labor Day in Fingerdale is being moved up to Tuesday, August 27th due to scheduling conflicts. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Fingerdale High School Cafeteria Update: The new cafeteria organist depends on tips to survive. Please do not ignore him when he passes around the tip jar.
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Please stop leaving electric scooters inside my office. I couldn’t get to my private bathroom today because there were too many scooters. I had to pee out the window. This is conduct unbecoming any citizen of Fingerdale, much less the mayor. Thanks, #TheMayor
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Fingerdale High School Cafeteria Update: Please refrain from engaging today’s macaroni salad in any political debates
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You know what? We’re just straight up banning cops. No more cops in Fingerdale. Thanks, #TheMayor
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I tried eating a bear fart and can now unequivocally say that life is, in fact, too short not to eat bear farts. Thank you to the voting citizens of Fingerdale for bringing this to my attention. Thanks, #TheMayor
Squish (@squishcomedy) profile pictureSquish@squishcomedy10 Aug 2019
In response to the landslide passage of Referendum 132, which changes the town motto to “Life’s Too Short, Eat Bear Farts” I would just like to say that while my administration has never advocated eating bear farts, we are prepared to move forward amicably. Thanks, #TheMayor
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In response to the landslide passage of Referendum 132, which changes the town motto to “Life’s Too Short, Eat Bear Farts” I would just like to say that while my administration has never advocated eating bear farts, we are prepared to move forward amicably. Thanks, #TheMayor
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