noella

gimana ya cara ngejelasin kalau kita tuh emotionally unavailable and easily socially overwhelmed karena sensory issues. gak ada niat gak menghargai atau nganggep orang gak penting. i just genuinely get exhausted from having to reply to chats, answer calls, maintain conversations, or meet up regularly, even when i look active online & free. belum lagi kalau lagi hyperfocused on something. kadang capek juga sama standar “kalau peduli pasti bales”, “kalau sayang pasti nyempetin”, “kalau gak ngabarin berarti gak penting.” and this isn’t even exclusively about romance. pertemanan juga sering kayak gitu. padahal sama orang tua sendiri aja kadang gue butuh waktu buat bales chat wkwkwk yes im the distant daughter, makanya seringnya ditelpon karena kalau chat lama balesnya. selama ini kita berusaha masking dan mengikuti standar social availability orang lain, tapi any meaningful relationship we have still can’t magically override our limitations. punya kepedulian sama orang lain gak ujug-ujug bikin social battery gue bertambah. bahkan sama temen-temen yang gue genuinely enjoy being around, kadang dari awal gue udah bilang, “lagi males ngomong ya” then i just sit there with them, listen to them, watch them do their thing, and genuinely enjoy their company. i want your presence, i just dont always want interaction. sering juga lagi overwhelmed tapi maksain ketemu orang-orang, malah tiba-tiba nangis karena saat itu kepala gue masih penuh mikirin final project wkwk makanya gabisa dadakan dan harus selalu mentally prepared dulu karena kita jadi gak “hadir” diajak ngomong aja zoning out😹😹😹 and romantic interests somehow feel even more pressuring. once someone starts expecting constant replies, calls, updates, attention, or access to my time, i immediately feel overwhelmed. especially when we’re barely anything yet. you’re not even my husband, why am i already being treated like i owe you constant availability? i really dont like men who act controlling or entitled to my time and attention. you’re still practically a stranger to me. and yes, i can be interested in someone, think he’s a genuinely good guy, and still not be comfortable giving him that much access to me. interest does not automatically equal access. the moment i feel being demanded, it stresses me out and makes me anxious. merasa bisa mencapai milestone tapi maintainingnya gak tau. i dont think i would survive lansekap romansa era modern bruh, kayaknya harus hidup di zaman 70an, ngabarin orang pakai surat nyampenya seminggu sekali😹😹😹