Tony Stark

“All I’m saying, Natasha, is that someone shot a pink and red arrow through your bodysuit and that someone was not me.” #right

"I've already chosen your special animal ornament, Clint. I've bought you a lifetime supply of platypusses...platypi...whatever."

"I don't understand why Carol and Pepper got offended when I told them I'd buy them a shoe store each for Christmas."

"Someone told Thor his hair was beautiful. Now he thinks we should have a hair-braiding party. I'm not even touching that one."

"Clint, why didn't you whine about the lack of a Katniss Everdeen float in the parade?"

"CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS! Thor should be Santa! No wait! Steve, I'm going to sit in your lap!"

"It's really not funny that the kitchen smells like burnt pizza rolls and despair."

"Why is Dummy barking at me?"

"Steve, I'm just saying. I think you could rock Carol's suit." #AbsolutelyNot

"Just because Obama won doesn't mean we need to have a Sesame Street marathon!"

"I wish Donald Trump's idiocy would be brought out into the open everyday. Let me show this fucker how to be a cool billionaire." #language

Oooh baseball. #SteveRoast

"Who the hell put a live chicken in my workshop?!?"

"Pepper, call up the people at the Kama Sutra. It's time I had a few sex positions named for me. Steve approves." #DontInvolveMeHere

"Loki the red-nosed reindeer, forgot his stupid shiny nose. Thor just got jacked up for calling it, Loki is kind of a dick." #NowHeSings

"If Coulson doesn't wear the Cap costume I saw in his closet, I'm taking it for my own costume kink purposes." #HauntedHelicarrier

(212) One does not simply let Thor near anything.

"Guys, I did not prepare Stark tower for Thor on a sugar high!"

"Pepper, I need you to go to the store right now and pick up some more candy! Thor ate every single bag we had in under an hour!"

"I think I'll dress as a peasant for Halloween. Barton, can I borrow an outfit?!" #ThatsRudeTony