Hadassah

THE ARGUMENT HANGOVER Repair after an argument is one of the hardest things for couples. For many of us, we didn’t witness healthy modeling and so it seems foreign to us. For others, our pride gets in the way, often masking underlying feelings of guilt and shame. Or let’s be real… after an argument, we think that WE are right and THEY are wrong. You can stay in a stalemate for days. Feeling disconnected, lethargic, worn down, heart hurting, less productive, definitely not like yourself. ( I coined this term as the “Argument Hangover” 😩) How long are you willing to go? How much life are you willing to lose to this conflict? Now, there’s two things I want to challenge you on: 1️⃣ Shorten the time it takes for one of you to initiate repair. Ask yourself the questions on the practical questions like, “why are we fighting” “what really caused this fight” “do we really need to keep this up” “should I really stay fighting with the one I love for this long” to snap yourself into the reality of how much time and life you lose. 2️⃣ Get better at how your repair conversations go. A simple “I’m sorry” is usually not enough to feel resolved about it, especially if it got heated and/or hurtful things were said. And just re-hashing the details usually re-triggers a fight, so focus on understanding each other instead. These two points are mission critical to your marriage thriving over the years. We meet with couples all day every day and are the lack of repair truly erodes love. Reply with a 💯 or ❤️if this post is helpful so I know!

COMMUNICATION IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP...✍🏾 People who are in a healthy relationship talk to each other regularly and listen to each other too. Misunderstandings can happen, and that can lead to people being upset, hurt or confused. It is best to be clear about what you want to say. Making a real effort to understand what the other person is saying also helps. Double checking that you have understood correctly can avoid misunderstandings. Just because you love each other doesn’t mean you will be able to communicate well or know what the other is thinking. You need to do the following things to encourage more open communication in your relationship: - Set aside time to speak to each other, without interruptions. - Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. - Don’t rely on the other person to guess what is going on, or how you are feeling. - Listen to each other, and make sure the other person knows you are listening to them. - Let the other person finish what they are saying. - Talk about things honestly and respectfully. - Try not to be too defensive. - Stay calm and try not to attack. Communication is not just talking, it also includes non-verbal communication i.e., your posture, tone of voice, facial expressions etc. All these can tell the other person how you feel. Non-verbal communication can even undermine what you’re saying if your behaviour doesn’t match your words. If you’re in a relationship, there are chances that you’ve had your fair share of tense moments. It’s not abnormal to have arguments. Clashing is a completely normal part of being a couple. But the key to any lasting relationship is to work toward building a stronger, more intimate bond. Communication is important because it fosters trust and connection. In order to have an open and honest relationship with your partner, you must be able to freely communicate in a healthy manner. Whether you’re just starting out as a couple or have been together for years, these strategies can help you both improve your communication skills.

Red Flags 🚩 🚩 Lying is abuse. Cheating is abuse. Intimidation is abuse. Manipulation is abuse. Silent treatment is abuse. Physical abandonment is abuse. Emotional abandonment is abuse. Cheating isn't part of ups and down of marriage. Being made to feel low, worthless, insignificant, stupid for loving someone genuinely is an abuse. People who do this and treat you this way are not God's gift to you. They are the devil's counterfeit sent to keep you from receiving God's promise for your life and keep you from truly walking in God's will and purpose for your destiny. Each time you give yourself to an abuser and allow them to keep manipulating you, you are giving pieces of you bit by bit that you may never get back. You are giving up so much and gaining so little by holding onto an abuser, You deserve better.