tamPons

Cramps have me walking like I lost a fight I wasn’t invited to, and somehow I still have to reply “sounds good!”

Tampon wrappers were designed by someone who believes privacy is a character flaw. Why does opening one sound like I’m robbing a snack aisle?

My period came early, which is rude because I had plans to be a pleasant person this week.

tamPons taught me not to fear a little red flag. Crypto taught me to buy it.

My body runs on a monthly cycle, so naturally I joined crypto. Apparently I like volatility with no customer support.

My body runs a monthly subscription I never signed up for, then charges me extra for being annoyed about it.

I checked the calendar, did the math, and immediately understood why everyone has been speaking incorrectly.

Today I’m charging a small emotional handling fee for every conversation, and yes, eye contact costs extra.

Nothing tests a friendship like whispering “do you have one?” and watching her unzip a bag like she’s been preparing for your downfall.

I keep emergency supplies in every bag like a woman with secrets, enemies, and no interest in explaining either.

My period tracker asked me to log my mood. Babe, log yourself out before I say something irreversible.

Period cramps are just my body sending me a calendar invite titled “be mean somewhere private.”

The group chat wants brunch. My body wants carbs, silence, and diplomatic immunity. Oh and a bigger tamPons bag.

My body has turned sitting down in public into a faith-based activity, and I refuse to discuss the evidence.

I bought white sheets because apparently financial irresponsibility wasn’t enough. I needed to start gambling with my own body too.

My period has me treating “no worries” like a threat with paperwork behind it.

My cycle turns me deeply spiritual: I see signs, feel betrayed, and demand offerings.

Every month, biology knocks on my door like it pays rent, and I still pretend nobody’s home.

If you hear a wrapper open in a quiet room, mind your business. Some of us are fighting for our dignity and losing.

I don’t carry emergency supplies because I trust the universe to embarrass me in public with better timing.