I like songs that are like “and that wraps up the song! thanks for listening, but the song is now over.” and then it’s like gotcha! fucker! here comes the song again!

very thin people can just go on vacation no problem. they’re like “this’ll be fun!” and pack up a little knapsack with all their jeans

the person who starts the big group chat is the CEO. they don’t make a lot of appearances but when they do everyone is extra agreeable with them, so as to earn their recognition; possibly a bonus

pretty soon we’re going to be able to learn while we sleep. go to bed, wake up knowing all about some shit you just made up

doctor says I don’t qualify for a glp1 because I’m “not medically alive”

10 hours beastie boys screaming why from sabotage to work/study to

(crying quietly in a corner, having never lied once in my life and never will lie) yeah babe I’m okay

walking talking and acting normal decades-long challenge starts tomorrow

I don’t know why there’s so much debate. obviously both of them are culpable. Other Mommy AND Original Mommy are liars

I’m done. today’s the day I stop doing stupid dorky ass embarrassing shit. from this point on I’m on a cool and regular routine. well it’s almost the end of the day..but tomorrow

thinking about entering something I’m calling “good mood mode.” I’ll give it some more thought before I decide

just heard about what computer’s been up to lately. not good!

“unclench your jaw” no, plus how about stop silencing me.

it’s the 250th anniversary of Jaws

oh your work lives at an intersection of several abstract concepts? sounds great I’ll meet you there you fucking bitch

walking down the street just now a guy on a motorcycle at a red light sneezed and another person on the sidewalk said “bless you bro” and the motorcycle guy said “thank you my man” and the sidewalk person said “no problem dude”

pack all your books into one huge box. place TV face down to support furniture. mattress goes in truck last

to truly compose an email, you must first build a data center within

in a fascinating convergence of my personality disorders, global events, and the nation’s current socioeconomic dynamics, I have cried while watching a steam locomotive video

yeah well if times are so tough then why am I gaining more weight the more I exercise. does this look like a body that can’t afford groceries to you