@terrip38

Gen X latchkey kid. Caution: Bad jokes ahead.

 the chuckle patch 🌼
Twitter.com/search/from:@terrip38(exclude:replies)
Joined January 2010
  • Tweets49.2K
  • Following1.6K
  • Followers2.4K
5.4KMedia
Pinned Tweet
Terri@terrip38Apr 1
I inadvertently bought acetone-free nail polish remover which turns out to be a solid option if you want to make removing toenail polish a weeklong project.
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The percentage of people reading this who’ve actually seen oxygen masks drop will be low but probably not zero.
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Terri retweeted
krista
@kristabellerina4h
I need Google Translate to understand my kid’s slang.
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My kid: what I learnt from Home Alone movie was that when your family forgets you, you should jump on the bed while eating popcorn
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Duran Duran no longer has an excuse for being Hungry Like The Wolf. They can DoorDash.
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Every time I lay my head down to sleep my brain starts dumb conversations with me.
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ScottW@jswtreeman4h
If glass bottom boats are reality then why can’t we have glass bottom planes?
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meghan
@deloisivete22h
I wish I loved anything as much as Teams loves trying to get me to turn my microphone on when I'm coughing
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meghan
@deloisiveteOct 27
Accidentally brought a steak knife to a vampire fight
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Sometimes I get a little melancholy thinking about how Howard Cunningham would feel about Home Depot.
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meghan
@deloisiveteOct 27
Going to ask the mailman to put the political flyers directly into the recycling bin to save me a step
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I have Schrödinger’s temper - it is both there and not there until tested.
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I don’t often inadvertently set off my car’s panic alarm but when I do it’s well before sunrise.
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There are people who spend hours carving pumpkins and I just ate a banana because I didn't want to cut up an apple.
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Terri retweeted
meghan
@deloisiveteOct 26
*cook in oven for 55 minutes or on stovetop for 12 minutes* Well excuse me, stovetop, I knew about microwave's power, but I was not aware of your game
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ScottW@jswtreemanOct 25
Not a lot of people know this but the “PO” in C-3PO stands for pissed off.
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meghan
@deloisiveteOct 25
A haunted house, but it's just my house and I've had to call the plumber twice in one week
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I just bumped into my coffee table and then apologized to it in case anyone was wondering how Canadian I am
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Face it ladies, he's just one viral tweet away from dumping you for a much younger Twitter crush with a higher follower count
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You think some people are awesome, and then they prove you right.
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Why do hockey rinks have curved corners? If they were at 90 degrees, the ice would melt.
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