@Starbucks Love your nitro cold brew, but the pours are really inconsistent. Some stores hand it over with the cup half full of foam. For a $7 drink, that’s frustrating.
Think of ordering a craft beer and getting half a glass of head—no one would accept that. I shouldn’t get odd looks for asking the foam to be removed. Just hoping for more consistent pours.
Me: Hey, do you think I can lift that? *gestures to barbell*
4yo daughter: No, I don’t.
Me: *lifts it and celebrates in her face accordingly*
Tony Foster retweeted
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RT and you could take home a game-used base!
My 3yo daughter dropped some food on the floor and got it before counting to five. She comes up and says, "Whoo! That was close. Almost had to switch to the ten-second rule."
#ifykyk
4 year old daughter: *cradling her kitten like a baby* Look how cute my kitty is!
Me: Aren’t you supposed to be eating?
4yo: He’s too cute to eat!
Me: I don’t follow your logic.
4yo: I follow my logic.
Me:
Me: Hey poopy pants.
3yo daughter: Hey dad. I just pooped.
Me: I know. That’s why I called you poopy pants.
3yo: I’m not a poopy pants. I’m just a human.
When I come out of the bedroom dressed for the wedding and my wife hits me with the “You’re wearing the wrong shirt.”
Wife: Bryar, no more marshmallows.
3 YO Daughter: Okaaaay….
…
3 YO: I’m going to show you something. Want to see my trick?
Wife: What’s the trick?
3 YO: It’s called “How to eat marshmallows.”
Everyone likes to poke fun at the guy that’s “neurotic” about organization until it’s time to find something…
I was shredding some Lamb of God on my guitar.
My daughter walks over and unplugs the cable from my guitars.
Stares me in the face and says, “Stop. Playing. That. Noise.”
I still have some work to do with her. 🤘🏼😂
*takes enormous bite of food*
Immediately, a coworker asks: what are you eating? It smells good.
Awkwardly stare at each other while I chew for the subsequent 15 seconds before I can respond like:
*My 3yo daughter joined me in the gym for a workout. She was making a strange noise that sounded like a hybrid between sneezing and grunting...*
Me: Why are you making that noise?
3yo: I’m working out.
Me: ...
Me: Wait... Is that what I sound like?
3yo: Yeah
Me: 😒😐