Jesus Christ this is some good pizza.

Three of my followers are losers. I'm not naming any names, you know who you are.

I just saw a chick with footjob lips.

To think, this whole time I've been confusing the Mario Bros. with the Bang Bros. No wonder the princess has been such a skank.

Every cab is "Cash Cab" if you own a gun.

Twitter is broken. Everything on my screen has posted double

Twitter is broken. Everything on my screen has posted double.

I’ve got so much work I need to do. I'm thinkin’ about pullin’ an all dayer.

Shoplifting is quite frowned upon. Particularly at a Mail Order Bride facility.