Eat healthy,Drink moderately,exercise regulary-DIE ANYWAYS!!!
ZEMOG
Joined June 2013
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- Following22
- Followers256
- Likes78
Fucking weather network,nothing about not being windy today,how will we know? Just a thought,go outside!
27
Asked for a Dracula costume to rent for Halloween& they came out with Mark Carney mask,I said,no want to dress like a count!
61
Wind warning,crazy when I went outside I wouldn’t have ever known it was windy,Thx.again to the weather network!
78
A not so attractive girl asked me for my phone number.I said “sure,do you have a pen?” She excitedly said,” I sure do.” I said,you probably should get back in it before the farmer notices you’re missing!”
62
Got my test results back.Dr.says,”good news,bad news” I said “ give me the good news first” We’ll he says,” we’re gonna name a disease after you!”
72
My therapist said to me,to be more satisfied with your life& feel
inner peace always finish what you start so I did 2 lines of blow,smoked a joint,drank 6 beer&had 4 Jack Daniels on the rocks,I’m feeling satisfaction& inner peace right now,He’s fucking good!!
75
Guy says,”wife is getting boring in bed.” Friend says,”try 69 with a starter pistol,gets them excited Next day,Friend says did it work?”
Fuck no,I fired it,she bit my cock,shit on my face& my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air l
109
Guy comes home,goes in garage,Harley is gone,Porsche is gone,He’s furious.Wife says we spend to much so I’m downsizing.He says “ me too,let me fuck you up the ass,cun on your face& I’ll fire the Nanny!
104
My Paki neighbour that smells like a skunk eating a dead salmon said the town hooked up his water so now he can bathe.I said,”
Nice story AS-IF!”
65
My little black neighbour boy was crying,”He said we can’t find Nemo” I said”that’s just a story about a little fish that goes missing.” He said,”No that’s my Dad’s name.”
90
New Mamma Mia movie with all Indian cast& new lyrics…”you can sing,you can dance having the time of your “life ,watch that girl ,watch the scene she’s the Welfare Queen!”
159
Lady wants husband buried in blue suit,Director says,”black one he’s in is fine.” She gives him a cheque,”get a blue suit” She comes back sees the blue suit,”How much” Nothing,another lady came & didn’t care about her husband being buried in a blacksuit so I switched the heads”
106
This morning the wife said now that I’m retired I should do whatever makes me happy…I’m gonna miss her!
68
I just realized today,even though I fucking hate the immigrants coming into our country,they can put a smile on your face after you run over one on the street!
100
Crime Stoppers alert! There are 3 kinds of keys out there that can open 88% of houses&almost 100% of cars…Pak-keys,Dark-keys&Junk-keys!
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