Read my novel DEAD WRITERS IN REHAB : https://xitter.cf/t.co/MPYiVYghqt
Beside the sea
Joined February 2009
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The best thing about the clocks going back is that when you wake up as usual at 3am, paralysed by dread, you find it’s only 2am and oh god the aching void of night will never end.
I hate the clocks going backwards and forwards. When I was young, we didn’t even have clocks. If we got hungry, we ate each other. We were poor, but we were happy. Good times. Not that we had time. It hadn’t been invented. We had to make our own time out of string and cholera.
Film review: do you like things that aren't like other things? Films bursting with creative imagination and passionate storytelling? See "Digger". However, if your idea of fun is another insipid Jane Austen adaptation, you probably won't like it. Taking no questions on this.
This is a terrible time to have a storm. They should have waited until the weather improved so more people could get out and enjoy it.
A storm is approaching. Batten down your hatches. If you don’t have any hatches, you can buy some from your local hatchmonger. And if you need extra battens, visit the batten-burgher.
For many of us, having the BBC is a bit like having a face: you may not like everything about it, but you'd miss it if crazed mandrills tore it off in the middle of the night.
The difference between Steve Witkoff and a jellyfish is that a jellyfish couldn't fit into Vladimir Putin's rectum because it's already occupied by Steve Witkoff.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge, born on this day in 1772, is still alive and kicking (but not the habit) in my novel, Dead Writers in Rehab, where he's making trouble along with Dorothy Parker, Ernest Hemingway, and other deceased literary substance abusers.
amazon.co.uk/Dead-Writers-Re…
Matt Hancock must be hoping his own protective ring works better than the one he lied about throwing around care homes in the Covid pandemic.
Truly waterproof clothing makes you sweat. In the rain, therefore, you can choose only the source of the moisture. Thus we conclude that the universe wants you to be wet. Thank you for attending my TED talk. Next: the mystery ailment that stops Russell Brand buttoning his shirt.
No, your email doesn’t find me well. I wish it hadn’t found me at all.
No, these times are not unprecedented; they just feel that way because they’ve never happened to you before.
No, I can’t join the Zoom meeting. I’m busy growing my hair that day.
Yes, you stay safe too.
What I lack in common sense, I make for in the benefits I'll receive from replying to publishing insiders who love my books so much that they've written long descriptions of them that could only be a result of reading them closely, rather than using AI to scrape the internet.
There has never been a better time to dress as an adult baby and stand outside your enemy's house all night holding a placard with a big question mark on it.
My new play is on in Brighton, Nov 6th-8th. I’m performing one of the two roles. Running time is 70 minutes, so if you’re coming from London, there’s plenty of time to get back the same evening. Or come and stay at the seaside! Limited tickets, book now!
ticketsource.com/act/2nd-cha…
