After my Gmail storage reaches 100% full I guess I’ll either learn a trade or just kill myself

And to the Alani I forgot on the oven on my way out. How dare you.

What…? Oh… no I’m just thinking of that time Aretha playfully ruffled Whitney’s wig. You know…

Candy cigarette for breakfast and a knuckle sandwich for lunch

I know it won’t fix everything but I just think I’ll suddenly become fluent in 4 dead languages and be closer to god with a more streamlined nose

Uzbekistan is highkey the capital of Wasia but the cultural seat sits squarely in San Francisco

Sitting still is overrated like what’s that what’s over here??

Currently chudding it up (hanging out in Ottawa) and having the time of my life!!

Enough with AI. Invent pants that don’t explode at the crotch. I am thick thighed and I need HELP

Wearing a beret and a turtleneck so people know I’m an intellectual (I learned how to read recently)

Being 30 and aimless is so wild because why am I considering death or joining the Navy like those are the only two positions hiring right now

*to the tune of drunk in love* I been fartin I been fartin

I don’t have ashy elbows and have never nor will ever know that struggle sorry I’m just better than #that

Bitches who sweat like hogs (me) love the autumnal chill hello

No like I still got something I wanna talk about, talk about. wake the fuck up

South Africans are all faking that accent btw. Do NOT believe them

Seeing a grown man run before the crosswalk signal hits zero is kinda fucking disgusting

Turning 30 is the worst business decision I ever made

Boom clap the sound of my thighs

I am finally ready to admit that it was I who let the dogs out. I will not be saying more at this time