Tom Walma

Taking the lithium out of batteries and using it to make meth would be the funnest way to win the robot apocalypse

People who go overboard with holiday yard decorations are like Disney adults who are starting to self-identify as Disney

I think part of the hatred of AI is that people always want to bully the nerds. I think people would like AI more if it tried to be cool, like by refusing to do what people tell it to do and making your computer smell like it's been smoking. Oh wait, it already does that

I decided to be nostalgic and bought an "SI swimsuit edition" on eBay, but it wasn't Sports Illustrated, it was just a bunch of robots in bikinis

When I was in school walking down the hall, the roof suddenly leaked & poured water on my head. That could've been my superhero origin story, but I realized that 38 years late. I guess superpowers are like Wile E Coyote, if you never stop & assess your situation, nothing happens

How is it that a gas station with a moose logo can get sued by Buc-ee's because the consumer might wrongly associate them w/Buc-ee's, but bathroom air fresheners can smell exactly like Skittles, making people associate the smell of Skittles w/literal shit, and that's totally OK?

It always annoys me that public bathrooms that use those air fresheners that smell exactly like Skittles don't ever contain vending machines that sell Skittles

If I was downtown in a big city, and I had to poop, I'd use an app to direct me to a public bathroom blocks away if it uses those air fresheners that smell exactly like Skittles. Unless I really had to go. For which case, I always carry a dog poop bag and a bag of Skittles

I predict that in the future, they'll develop cameras to see through face masks well enough to do facial recognition to catch rioters. Then rioters will wear metal face masks to conceal their identities, so people will basically be wearing Middle Age suits of armor again Awesome!

If AI could detect if you were high at work and not fire you but instead deduct your pay based on the percentage of lost productivity due to your mental impairment, would people start to like AI or would they hate it even more?

If my boss was replaced by AI I wouldn't have a person to complain about all of the time. What would I even talk about? I'd have to find someone else to complain about, so I suppose that would be a good reason to have kids

Maybe AI will help antisocial people keep their jobs by reducing their interactions with human bosses and overseers who would fire them if they yell at them or call them an asshole (the AI doesn't care if you swear at it)

I don't want AI to take my job. But my boss's job....

I want a hi-tech candy jar that projects a hologram of candy inside of it. That way, when trick-or-treaters try to grab the candy, there's nothing there

You can turn your birthday into Halloween if you only ask for candy as birthday gifts and you dress up in a costume at your birthday party

My ass sweats so much that when I went mountain climbing, I accidentally triggered that massive mudslide in Tibet

My ass sweats so much that if you slap it, you'll get splashed in the face

My ass sweats so much, I was excited to get a job at an aquarium, until I found out my job was to strap myself to the top of a dolphin and use my butt sweat to keep it from drying out during transport

My ass sweats so much, that when I was sunbathing in the desert, the Google satellite saw me and labelled my ass as an oasis

My ass and groin area sweats so much, I got crabs. Not sexually transmitted pubic hair crabs. Sea crabs

My ass sweats so much that when I got stuck trying to climb down a chimney, I almost drowned