Timothy Nga (@timnga) header
Timothy Nga (@timnga) profile picture

"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen."

Singapore
Joined September 2009
Photo by Timothy Nga (@timnga)Photo by Timothy Nga (@timnga)Photo by Timothy Nga (@timnga)Photo by Timothy Nga (@timnga)
Timothy Nga retweeted
Overheard my 11 y/o daughter record her voicemail greeting: “Hi, you’ve reached my voicemail. When you hear the beep, hang up and send me a text.” This generation gets it.
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Email translations: “I was under the impression” Translation: I’m furious “As per my email” Translation: I’m furious “With respect” Translation: I’m furious “Whilst I appreciate” Translation: I’m furious “As I’m sure you’re aware” Translation: I’m furious
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QUICK TIPS FROM JESUS for DEALING WITH YOUR FAMILY 🧵 1. PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW THEM MARK 3:31-32 — “Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him. They stood outside and sent word for him to come out & talk with them... Jesus replied, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” 1/7
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Instinct prevents the mother from closing her jaws as she carries her young from the riverside nest into the water.
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Another reason I won't leave this app.
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They couldn't find the Nazis in Ukraine, so they are now looking for Satan himself. Who's next?
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Timothy Nga retweeted
If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days... ...Just set it to the name of the current UK Prime minister and you should be fine.
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Timothy Nga retweeted
High winds at the perfect time of day created a previously undocumented 2,400-foot rainbow waterfall in Yosemite National Park
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Timothy Nga retweeted
How to cook crack and clean a crab. Step 1: Use fucking commas…
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Timothy Nga retweeted
Does Roberto Firmino know he's allowed to score whilst looking? 😅
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This is Truffles; she works at a children’s optometrist to help them feel better about wearing glasses.
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I love that The Good Place starts with "Hell is other people" but is bold enough to conclude that "So is heaven".
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Timothy Nga retweeted
Best thing i’ve seen in a while.
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Timothy Nga retweeted
Ever wondered what to say to your sister when she’s crying ? “Are you having a crisis?”
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Timothy Nga retweeted
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Timothy Nga retweeted
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
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Timothy Nga retweeted
What do you call a ghost’s boobies? Paranormal entitties.
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