I was supposed to go camping with my 8 yo son today. But it didn’t happen. It’s something we’ve done a couple times a year since he was 4. I usually look forward to it as our special time and I know these moments are fleeting. But starting a couple days ago, I begin to dread it. I’ve been traveling a lot. Work has been busy. I’m a little under the weather. I don’t sleep well while camping. And I just. Didn’t. Want. To. Go. Reluctantly though, I packed the bags this morning and headed to the camp site. He was SO excited. He got busy with his cub Scout stuff and I was the opposite of present. On my phone, avoiding talking to other parents, not really hanging with my son. I was “in a state of threat”… confusion. Feeling guilty to not make the most of this time. Wanting to want to camp. But I just didn’t want to and so I was withdrawing. Around 3pm and some text coaching from my wife, I finally got the courage and pulled him aside and was honest and open. “Hey buddy, I really don’t want to camp tonight, I’m tired and not comfortable. But if you really want we can camp. I wonder though: are there other things we can do together that would be EVEN better than camping FOR YOU. I want to find a win for both of us! Any ideas?” His face went from disappointment to wonder and excitement as I talked. I said “ask for anything!” And so he thought and smiled and after some back and forth he nailed it: “what if we hang out here until camp dinner time and then go eat a sushi dinner, then do a campfire at home and then I get TWO hours of screen time and then you lie down in my bed until I sleep?!” I said deal!! Immediately: I felt like a hundred pounds off my shoulders. He couldn’t believe I said yes. And we were both excited! I put my phone away and played and hiked with him at the campsite for two hours. Then we went to an amazing dinner where we talked and bonded. He shared that was the favorite part of his day. Then had a family campfire and now I write this while he does Roblox 😂 So what are the lessons? 1.honor your “whole body yes” - this is a concept from conscious leadership and it’s essentially if it’s not a hell yea, it’s a no. And that can true even if you already committed. Ultimately, would my son prefer a withdrawn camping dad doing his duty or a present dad enjoying sushi. The answer is obvious. 2.Share your 100%, 100% of the time, be willing to hear no and find a win/win - My coach taught me this and any of my GX partners would tell you I always remind them of this!! “Don’t negotiate against yourself, ever!” But this is my son, my number 1 guy. And so myself stayed in my head and broke my own rule. (This doesn’t happen to me often) Once I shared, everything got better! And we truly both won. 3.Awareness is the most impt thing - a lot of my coaching work focuses on knowing when I’m off/in a state of threat. It was critical for me to even know this was the issue to move to address it. Parenting is a tough journey. Your heart is so in it that it can feel guilty, tiring and frustrating all at once. But self awareness, sharing openly and finding a win win can help. Even with an 8 year old! Plus, I get to sleep in own bed tonight!!