释放吴秋雨（杨俊牧师，吴秋雨丈夫）

对于被囚的我，信仰意味着什么 ——王牧 亲爱的家人们、朋友们，平安！ 北海二看的饮食大致如下：白饭加水煮菜，晚餐会加一块肉，有时很小，偶尔小到找不到。除了每周两次的黄豆，一年多来，我发现水煮菜共有五种菜式：水煮冬瓜、水煮南瓜、水煮黄瓜，还有公认的最好的菜——水煮白菜。第五种，也是最常见的一种，是我在外面从未见过的一种瓜，叫节瓜。此菜的颜色和质地类似冬瓜，但水煮了以后有一种微微的酸味，有一种很难描述的难以下咽。 但即便是这样的菜，对于物质匮乏、忍受饥饿的我们来说，也是好东西。在领饭时，领饭的犯人有时会偷偷多拿一两盒。如果被管教发现，难免一阵臭骂。有一次，听见一个管教高声咒骂隔壁监室的人说：“这狗都不吃的东西，你们拿那么多干什么？” 在这样的环境当中待久了，人自然会发生改变，有时甚至与在外面时截然不同，判若两人。有一个据说身家几十亿的大老板，居然在监室内和一个犯人为了争抢一卷卫生纸而吵闹争斗起来。二看真的可以改变一个人。 在这样的环境当中，不出意外，人们开始寻求任何可以帮助他们的东西，包括信仰。手相、面相、算命很流行，做梦和解梦也很流行。他们不断地数算自己的亲戚朋友、各种关系，期望他们能帮助自己；也不断地计算自己的超能力是否足以改变司法的进程；还有人反复地想着自己和自己祖上所积的功德，盼望这些能使自己得到荫庇。 当他们知道我有信仰时，他们非常感兴趣。当然，感兴趣的要点在于：你的神能不能救你尽快离开此地？倘若可以，能不能也把他拯救出去？ 我当然也很希望尽快离开。祷告没有成就，难免心里失落，但在这里面又加上了一份压力，甚至可以说是一点小小的羞愧。我的神是全能的神，并且是爱我、听我祷告的神，为什么不能立刻拯救我，给这些犯人看一看呢？我在这里待着，又让他们知道我是基督徒，却不能出去，这不是给上帝丢脸吗？ 对于被囚的我，对于许多深陷学习、家庭困境中的基督徒，信仰到底意味着什么？ 当然，基督徒会经历困境，有时还非常长久，有时会经历极端的羞辱和低落。且不说我们的主在十字架上所经历的羞辱、死亡，看看使徒保罗对哥林多人所列举的遭遇，或者想想从小被膏立为王的大卫，却十几年逃亡在旷野当中，朝不保夕，甚至不得不装疯卖傻才得存活。 我们都知道，我们的信仰绝不是那个应许我们天色常蓝、花香常漫的信仰。如同约伯所说，我们从他手中得福，也从他手中领受苦杯。同时，神垂听我们的祷告，但最终要成就的是他的旨意，因为他的旨意高过我们的旨意，他所成就的要比我们想象的更美好。如果基督必须经历十字架才能升高，我们也必须经过烈火的熬炼才能成为精金。 说到这里，相信大部分弟兄姊妹都能认同。但是，可能众人心中还是有疑问：“王牧，当我们如此挣扎、如此痛苦的时候，信仰对我们到底意味着什么呢？” 虽然信仰并不意味着立刻解除这种痛苦，但是在这里一年多的时间，让我从以下三个方面真实地感受到信仰的力量，胜过一切的环境。 首先，信仰给我一个完整的世界观，让我可以理解所发生的一切。在受到人生最低谷的冲击之时，这个世界不仅没有崩塌，反而越发坚固、统一、有意义，并且显明出生命的力量。 每个人都有自己的世界观，包括对世界、对他人、对人生、对自己的认知。我们每个人都活在我们的世界观所定义的世界当中。当我们的人生遇到一些极端的情况，譬如特别深的伤害、低谷、失败，又或者极度成功、喜悦、充满渴望之时，有时我们原有的世界观不足以帮助我们面对、解释这些经历，也无法为我们提供指引。这时候，就会产生一种深度的自我怀疑，经历人生的崩塌。 不少犯人进来以后都表达，他们原有的对自我、对社会、对组织、对国家的某些重大想法完全塌陷了。特别是那些职务犯罪的人，他们往往年龄较大。犯罪以后，不仅失去了职位、身份，甚至连所有的养老金都会被没收。他们往往压抑着极深的愤怒，觉得自己一生都是白费了。 我因为信仰却被下在监里，被以虚构的罪名控告，甚至明明是众所周知不应该由我承担的责任，也被用来控告我。我是否也经历世界观的动荡呢？ 没有，完全没有。 恰恰相反，当我想到我今天居然因为这个原因被关在这里，想到我和我的妻子、家人不仅没有因为我被关在这里而惊慌失措、怨天尤人，反而认为这是我们当领受的份，我就问我自己：我怎么可能是这样一个人？ 时钟倒回21年前，如果你告诉当时还不信耶稣的我：“这就是你21年以后的样子。”我绝对不会相信。 那么，我为什么居然能变成今天的我呢？我没有其他的解释，我只能说，我想我的确是遇到了基督。我是天父的儿子，被他所拣选、所拯救、所呼召，被他使用，在这个世代做一个为他发声的器皿，也承担他的仆人必须要承担的责任。如同他以前对我说的：“我有我的十字架，你有你的十字架，不需要这么多废话，背起你的十字架来跟随我！” 其次，信仰让我即使在孤独的囚禁当中，却仍旧活在一个真实的、以信仰为基础的大家庭当中。你们的祷告，你们许许多多我无法听到、无法看到的言语和帮助，让我知道我绝不是孤身一人。我活在神圣的基督身体当中。 在这里被囚的，有许多有钱的人。出人意外的是，这么多有钱人都被抓进来，几千万的资产都不值一提。从权势上讲，县处级干部很常见，市厅级干部也不少，但是省部级我还没有看到。但看新闻联播，即便是国家级，也经常有落马、深陷囹圄的。 有一个干部，当初是广西的状元，考入名校。听他聊天，知道他的同学、亲友都身居中央和各个地方的要职。我很好奇，就问他说：“你有这么多关系，为什么不请他们帮帮忙呢？” 他叹了一口气说：“像我这样被组织调查的人，人人都躲得远远的。” 我被抓进来以后，你们没有躲避我，没有遗弃我的家人。恰恰相反，因我们所受到的打压，许多以前与我们并不熟悉、甚至从未谋面的人，主动地和我的家人联系，提供各种各样的帮助。甚至有些人在帮助我们的过程当中，付出了大量的时间、精力、金钱，连自己的工作都受到了影响，也没有回避。 这就是在基督里的关系和这个世界所谓的关系最根本的不同。 一个建立在信仰基础之上的共同体，会因为这个世界的试炼，显明出其不可动摇的根基。这世界一切的繁华、虚荣、热闹、恭维、权势、财富，在人生的风浪中都烟消云散，显出其本质的虚无。但基督的身体却展现出胜过一切困境的力量、爱心和活力。 两千年来，这世界无数的组织、团体，甚至帝国，都灰飞烟灭，唯有基督的身体一直满有活力，直到如今。今天压迫我们的力量，也会跟它无数的先行者一样，埋在历史的尘埃当中，甚至我们的名字也会被这个世界所遗忘。但是，基督的身体会继续健康活泼地活跃在这片土地上，我们所持守的一切，也会被上帝记念。 最后，信仰给我一个明确的身份，让我知道我到底是谁，我从哪里来，要往哪里去，我为什么会经历今天要经历的一切。 在这里面遭遇如此的低谷，对于爱思考的我来说，当然会不断地反省。如同奇异博士一样，我不禁假设各种不同的人生轨迹，与我今天所经历的相比较。 假如2006年3月26号，我没有去到教会，没有回应那个呼召，我会怎么样？ 假如当初没有加入守望的神学班，没有辞职去读神学，我们会怎么样？ 假如当初没有在硕士毕业以后立刻回国，而是留在美国服侍，我会怎么样？ 假如读博期间接受了芝加哥教会的邀请，在当地牧会，我会怎么样？ 假如在2025年初，我听从了许多人的意见，带着全家人离开中国，躲避风浪，我今天又会怎么样…… 在无数的可能性推理演化当中，亲爱的弟兄姊妹们，今天的我，这个有如此遭遇的我，是我所有的人生可能当中，我能想象的最好的版本。 这个版本的我，不是最顺利的、最舒服的、最有钱的，或者最被人羡慕的，但却是我能想象的生命高度最高、经历最深、所看到的国度最广阔的一个。 如果有人拿其他版本的人生和我现在所经历的交换，我会对他说：“谢谢，但是不用了。” 我们的身份，只有经历了最沉重的敲打，仍然站立，才是我们可以安身立命的身份。从此以后，我作为一个基督徒、一个牧师、一个神所使用的微小器皿，将继续在这个世界当中无愧地活着、荣耀地活着、温柔而坚定地活着。 这就是我在被囚当中所感受到的信仰给我最真实的帮助，以及对我真正的意义。我相信，不少处在工作挑战、学习迷茫、家庭挣扎中的家人朋友们，也跟我有类似的感受。 而如果你正在经历人生的极大困境与艰难，希望那给我力量、盼望与光明的信仰，也给你同样的力量、盼望和光明。 我当然继续为我自己，也为大家祷告，求神将这杯挪去，求主救我们脱离这艰难的环境和痛苦。但我更加祷告，愿神赐给你我胜过这一切环境与艰难的永恒生命！ 以马内利！ 王林牧师 2026.11.3 What Does Faith Mean to Me in Prison? Dear family and friends, Peace to you! The meals at Beihai No. 2 Detention Center are generally rice and boiled vegetables. Dinner includes a piece of meat, sometimes very small, and occasionally so small you can hardly find it. Apart from soybeans twice a week, I have seen only five kinds of boiled vegetables over the past year: winter melon, pumpkin, cucumber, and the vegetable everyone agrees is the best—Chinese cabbage. The fifth, and most common, is a kind of squash I had never seen before coming here. It is called jiegua. Its color and texture are similar to winter melon, but when boiled it has a faintly sour taste. It is hard to describe, and even harder to swallow. Still, even food like this is precious to us when we are deprived and hungry. When meals are handed out, the inmates serving them sometimes secretly take an extra one or two boxes. If the guards catch them, they are sure to get a harsh scolding. Once, I heard a guard loudly berating the people in the cell next door: “This is food even a dog wouldn’t eat. Why are you taking so much?” After living in this kind of environment for a while, people naturally change. Sometimes they become completely different from who they were outside, almost unrecognizable. There is a businessman here who is said to be worth billions. Yet inside the cell, he got into an argument and a scuffle with another inmate over a roll of toilet paper. Detention really can change a person. In this environment, it is no surprise that people start looking for anything that might help them, including faith. Palm reading, face reading, and fortune-telling are popular. So are dreams and dream interpretation. People count up their relatives, friends, and connections, hoping someone can help them. They keep calculating whether their own influence is enough to change the course of their case. Some repeatedly think about the good deeds they or their ancestors have accumulated, hoping those deeds will bring them protection. When people learn that I have faith, they are very interested. Of course, what they really want to know is this: Can your God get you out of here quickly? And if he can, can he get me out, too? Of course I also hope to leave as soon as possible. When my prayers are not answered, it is hard not to feel disappointed. Here, that disappointment comes with added pressure, even a little shame. My God is almighty. He loves me and hears my prayers. So why can’t he rescue me right away and show these inmates what he can do? I am still here, and they know I am a Christian, but I cannot get out. Doesn’t that bring shame on God? What does faith mean to me as a prisoner? And what does it mean to Christians caught in deep struggles at school or at home? Of course Christians go through hardship. Sometimes it lasts a very long time; sometimes it brings extreme humiliation and despair. Consider the humiliation and death our Lord endured on the cross. Consider the hardships Paul listed in his letters to the Corinthians. Or think of David, anointed king while still young, yet forced to spend more than a decade fleeing through the wilderness, never knowing if he would survive, and even pretending to be insane to save his life. We know that our faith does not promise us blue skies and fragrant flowers every day. As Job said, we receive good from God’s hand, and we also receive the bitter cup. God hears our prayers, but in the end his will is what is accomplished. His will is higher than ours, and what he brings about is better than we can imagine. If Christ had to pass through the cross before being exalted, then we, too, must be refined by fire to become pure gold. I believe most of our brothers and sisters would agree. But perhaps many still wonder: “Pastor Wang, when we are struggling and in such pain, what does faith mean to us?” Faith does not mean that our pain will immediately be taken away. But during the year I have spent here, I have felt the power of faith in three ways. It is a power that surpasses every circumstance. First, faith gives me a complete worldview that helps me understand what is happening. At the lowest point in my life, the world did not collapse. Instead, it became more solid, coherent, and meaningful, revealing the power of life. Everyone has a worldview: a way of understanding the world, other people, life, and ourselves. We all live within the world our worldview defines. When we face extreme experiences—deep hurt, failure, or despair, but also great success, joy, or an intense desire to know—our existing worldview may not be enough to help us face or make sense of what has happened, or to guide us through it. That is when deep self-doubt can set in and life can seem to fall apart. Many inmates have told me that after coming here, some of their most basic beliefs about themselves, society, their organizations, or their country completely collapsed. This is especially true of those convicted of official misconduct, many of whom are older. After being convicted, they lose not only their positions and identities, but sometimes even their entire pensions. They often carry deep anger and feel that their whole lives have been wasted. I was put in prison because of my faith. I was accused of fabricated crimes, and even made to bear responsibility that, as everyone knows, should not have been mine. Did my worldview also begin to shake? No. Not at all. On the contrary, when I think about how I ended up here, and how my wife, my family, and I have not panicked or blamed God, but have instead received this as our portion, I ask myself: How could I have become this kind of person? If you had told me 21 years ago, when I did not yet believe in Jesus, “This is what you will be like 21 years from now,” I would never have believed you. So how did I become who I am today? I have no other explanation. I can only say that I believe I encountered Christ. I am a child of the Father, chosen, saved, and called by him. He uses me as a voice for him in this generation, and I bear the responsibilities his servant must bear. As he once said to me: “I have my cross, and you have yours. There’s no need for all this talk. Take up your cross and follow me!” Second, even in the loneliness of confinement, faith keeps me in a real family grounded in faith. Your prayers, and the many words and acts of help I cannot hear or see, remind me that I am not alone. I live within the sacred body of Christ. There are many wealthy people imprisoned here. I was surprised to see so many of them brought in. Assets worth tens of millions mean nothing here. In terms of rank and power, county- and department-level officials are common; there are also quite a few bureau-level officials. I have not seen any provincial- or ministerial-level officials, but the evening news often reports that even senior national officials have fallen and ended up behind bars. One official here was once the top student in Guangxi and was admitted to a prestigious university. From our conversations, I learned that his classmates and relatives hold important positions in the central government and in different parts of the country. I was curious and asked him, “With so many connections, why don’t you ask them to help you?” He sighed and said, “When someone like me is under investigation by the authorities, everyone keeps their distance.” After I was arrested, you did not avoid me or abandon my family. On the contrary, because of the pressure we have faced, many people who barely knew us—or had never even met us—reached out to my family and offered all kinds of help. Some have given enormous amounts of time, energy, and money. Some have even faced consequences at work, yet they have not turned away. That is what makes relationships in Christ fundamentally different from the relationships the world offers. A community built on faith reveals its unshakable foundation when tested by the world. All the world’s splendor, vanity, noise, flattery, power, and wealth vanish in the storms of life, revealing their emptiness. But the body of Christ displays a strength, love, and vitality that overcome every hardship. For two thousand years, countless organizations, groups, and even empires have disappeared. The body of Christ alone has continued to live with vitality to this day. The forces oppressing us today will also be buried in the dust of history, like those that came before them. The world may even forget our names. But the body of Christ will continue to thrive on this land, and everything we have held on to will be remembered by God. Finally, faith gives me a clear identity. It tells me who I am, where I came from, where I am going, and why I am going through what I am going through today. As someone who loves to think, I naturally keep reflecting on this low point in my life. Like Doctor Strange, I imagine different paths my life might have taken and compare them with the one I am living now. What if I had not gone to church on March 26, 2006, or responded to that calling? What would have happened? What if I had not joined the theological training program at Shouwang Church, or had not quit my job to study theology? What if I had not returned to China right after completing my master’s degree, but had stayed in the United States to serve? What if I had accepted the invitation from a church in Chicago during my doctoral studies and pastored there? What if, in early 2025, I had listened to the many people who urged me to leave China with my family and avoid the storm? Where would I be today? After imagining all these possible paths, dear brothers and sisters, I have come to believe that the person I am today—the person who has gone through all this—is the best version of myself I can imagine among all the possible lives I might have lived. This version of me is not the most successful, comfortable, wealthy, or admired. But it is the version with the greatest depth of life, the deepest experiences, and the broadest vision of God’s kingdom that I can imagine. If someone offered to trade another version of my life for what I am experiencing now, I would say, “Thank you, but no.” Our identity can become a place where we stand firm only after it has endured the heaviest blows. From now on, as a Christian, a pastor, and a small vessel used by God, I will continue to live in this world with a clear conscience and a life that honors him—gently, yet steadfastly. This is the real help I have experienced from faith while in prison, and what faith truly means to me. I believe many family members and friends facing challenges at work, uncertainty in their studies, or struggles at home have felt something similar. If you are going through great hardship, I hope the faith that has given me strength, hope, and light will give you the same. I will keep praying for myself and for all of you. I pray that God will take this cup from us, and that the Lord will deliver us from this painful and difficult situation. But even more, I pray that God will give us eternal life, through which we can overcome every circumstance and hardship. Immanuel! Pastor Franklin Wang 2026.11.03